Don't you hate it when you have the best intentions only to belittle those intentions by not following through with them.
Such seems to be my life when it comes to writing.
Oh to describe what writing is to me...pure adrenalin, all encompassing, passionate and self fulfilling. Those are just a few of the wonderful attributes that make it a love of my life. To say it is a perfect union would be a lie. It's more like an intense rendezvous filled with frenzy and intrigue, solace and oneness. The ups and downs are many but they are all meaningful.
The problem comes when realization hits that it isn't just me and my computer riding off into the sunset. My life is full of many wonderful things like children, a husband and a family. It is also wrangled together with the hated things like guilt and self consciousness as well as the negatives I can't try to ignore such as moving three states over, paying bills, trying to sell a house in an unforgiving market and so on.
Every day a battle wages in my head about what is more important, possibly fulfilling a lifelong dream of writing and being published or putting it on the back burner because I am not meeting the needs of the other 50 million things in my life.
For a while writing was losing the fight when one day I talked to my husband who told me it was okay to let go and just do it. Then my mom, same day, later that evening said, "You really need to finish this book Deana."
The other loves in my life are prepared to make sacrifices so I can do what truly makes me happy which is why they are so special and cause just as much emotion in me as does my writing.
So my quest has once again started. It actually started a few weeks back and I feel the fires stoked and the power surging. I am super charged and ready to go.
Look out world, a very passionate woman is on the verge of breaking free!