tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post2143796660373455183..comments2023-11-03T09:37:18.738-04:00Comments on Deana Barnhart: Rd 1 Agent Pitch Contest #39 - FINDING MEARADeanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17958057331230037880noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-39592998276872495372012-09-20T16:41:04.280-04:002012-09-20T16:41:04.280-04:00My favorite part? The terrifying family reunion. W...My favorite part? The terrifying family reunion. What an awesome and apt description of the unfolding drama. I think your query creates great conflict, and gives me several reasons why I want to read on--the appeal of a magical Realm and a befriended fire cat, the life of a child hanging the balance, the curious and deadly paternal relationship. All good stuff. Give me more! :DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18331283437980529293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-60844310552671290262012-09-17T21:30:29.484-04:002012-09-17T21:30:29.484-04:00(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this...(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)<br /><br />First of all, I love the fact that your story bounces back and forth between present day Denver and a magical realm. What a great contrast!<br /><br />You've clearly spelled out Hazel's stakes, and I can sense how heart-pounding this story is. You've explained her connection to Lucian and the Realm, and you've done this very succinctly--which, as you know, is way easier said than done.<br /><br />My only critique is the fact that I still don't really know what the Realm "feels" like. You obviously don't want to go too deep into this world-building, but I'd love to know if we're talking Middle Earth or Hell or an alternate planet Earth here.<br /><br />Finally, I LOVE this sentence: "The beautiful fall day gave no hint of the unbelievable mess my life would become." Is there any way you can lead with this sentence and move the other two descriptors to the second paragraph?<br /><br />Very good job!SugarMagnolianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-50965340686065030322012-09-17T20:23:20.824-04:002012-09-17T20:23:20.824-04:00I keep meaning to refresh my entry to see if I'...I keep meaning to refresh my entry to see if I've gotten any comments, but I end up clicking on yours instead. By accident, you ask? No. I just keep re-reading it and going "Damn, I wish that was already out so I could keep going." Just thought you should know. :DMara Valderranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04718957990733048214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-29438661557835982272012-09-17T19:22:17.526-04:002012-09-17T19:22:17.526-04:00This sounds really great, best of luckThis sounds really great, best of luckJambohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01704840860387375378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-59050644070255501222012-09-17T16:44:25.310-04:002012-09-17T16:44:25.310-04:00I love how Hazel is slightly reluctant to 'do ...I love how Hazel is slightly reluctant to 'do the right thing'. It adds such a flavor of authenticity to her story. I also like that the tale is founded in the 'real' world as well as this magical realm. <br /><br />And talk about making us want more! Those last 150 words end to soon!Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06373650788799372118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-85316210048520392452012-09-17T12:18:24.731-04:002012-09-17T12:18:24.731-04:00Thanks for participating! My plan is to read throu...Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.<br /><br />Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!SugarMagnolianoreply@blogger.com