tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post2798392199224240188..comments2023-11-03T09:37:18.738-04:00Comments on Deana Barnhart: 1st Rd Sm Press Contest #5 - Warwick HallDeanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17958057331230037880noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-15311281892616562532012-10-03T22:32:54.355-04:002012-10-03T22:32:54.355-04:00I loved the first line. You've got my vote!I loved the first line. You've got my vote!Lone Starnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-3112018661205761772012-10-02T17:01:31.672-04:002012-10-02T17:01:31.672-04:00I LOVE the idea of communicating via magnetic poet...I LOVE the idea of communicating via magnetic poetry! Genius!! <br />Best of luck!~PK HREZOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11650153097981426833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-18440399437676348382012-10-02T15:16:58.411-04:002012-10-02T15:16:58.411-04:00Thank you all so much for checking out my entry an...Thank you all so much for checking out my entry and for your votes ;-)<br /><br />Mystery Science Theater Geek, I'm pitching it as Veronica Mars meets the Woman in White.<br /><br />Btw, I spent many nights in high school watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 right after "Highlander." Oh those 90s...<br /><br />Thanks again for stopping by! Kristina xAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12445539873467772283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-74255577280764377712012-10-02T14:18:45.098-04:002012-10-02T14:18:45.098-04:00I'd like to see you get a chance with an edito...I'd like to see you get a chance with an editor. You have a smooth and interesting query and beginning.<br /><br />You have my vote. Good luck!Escape Artistnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-49170126489628724292012-10-02T02:22:55.951-04:002012-10-02T02:22:55.951-04:00Psst... I’m back. You have my vote! :)Psst... I’m back. <b>You have my vote!</b> :)Honey Badgernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-29309721055761220782012-10-02T01:05:03.026-04:002012-10-02T01:05:03.026-04:00I really liked reading this. The query flowed well...I really liked reading this. The query flowed well and the stakes were made clear. The first 150 is what hooked me though! Good luckJessica Beckerhttp://jessicabeckerbooks.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-16916359904637547572012-10-01T21:01:46.067-04:002012-10-01T21:01:46.067-04:00I enjoyed this, and especially love the magnetic p...I enjoyed this, and especially love the magnetic poetry idea. Good luck!Layla Messnerhttp://laylamessner.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-14292970432195285662012-10-01T20:57:06.588-04:002012-10-01T20:57:06.588-04:00Your opening line is excellent! Great hook! I love...Your opening line is excellent! Great hook! I love the unique way they communicate too--through magnetic poetry. It certainly makes communicating more of a challenge! <br /><br />I have absolutely no critiques. You hooked me with the first line and the last line left me wanting more. The first 150 were great--love that you start with Cassie and I absolutely love your voice. Echoing the frustration I felt for the only sentient creature to see her be a deer was great too! I hope you get to move on to the next round! Mara Valderranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04718957990733048214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-68389417197908491852012-10-01T19:05:22.325-04:002012-10-01T19:05:22.325-04:00Hey, Entry #5!
I’m going around giving everyone ...Hey, Entry #5! <br /><br />I’m going around giving everyone at least one critique and one positive today. (Maybe more, if I spot something helpful.)<br /><br /><b>Positive:</b><br />- I love the concept here. I have a feeling I’ll be back. :)<br /><br /><b>Critique:</b><br />- I'm going to echo Lone Star here. Try to tweak the sentence structures in a few places.<br /><br />Best of luck! :)Honey Badgernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-43772363816563429472012-10-01T18:10:58.386-04:002012-10-01T18:10:58.386-04:00Great query! The first 150 are strong as well. It ...Great query! The first 150 are strong as well. It feels like too many sentences start with "she" or "Cassie". See if you can vary it up. Overall, this is solid.Lone Starnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-55028548849259977062012-10-01T17:08:32.536-04:002012-10-01T17:08:32.536-04:00You've definitely got my vote.
I love your q...You've definitely got my vote. <br /><br />I love your query. The only thing I'd suggest you change is adding a final paragraph identifying genre, word count, comparable works (i.e. a cross between the television show Supernatural and the works of....[whomever is appropriate in YA]) or publishing credits.<br /><br />Your first 150 words are strong. The only thing I'd suggest is combining some paragraphs, in particular the last two.<br /><br />Good job!Mystery Science Theater Geeknoreply@blogger.com