tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post8198189251936767950..comments2023-11-03T09:37:18.738-04:00Comments on Deana Barnhart: Rd 1 Agent Pitch Contest #5 - BEAR HANDS, BEAR FEETDeanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17958057331230037880noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-89477074816910979772012-09-19T14:42:43.396-04:002012-09-19T14:42:43.396-04:00Cute story! I think your query could have a bit mo...Cute story! I think your query could have a bit more voice. It isn't long so you have room to add Rowan into it. The first 150 made me laugh a few times. I love the meow sentence.<br /><br />Good job and good luck in the future!<br /><br />The Roosternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-80424019218004965702012-09-18T20:15:28.857-04:002012-09-18T20:15:28.857-04:00SugarMagnolia-
Thank you SO MUCH for the construc...SugarMagnolia-<br /><br />Thank you SO MUCH for the constructive criticism and kind words. I'm sure many people are familiar with staring at something for so long that you forget what is and isn't obvious about your work. After the suggestion from you and Tracy, I will definitely be revisiting the clarity of my character description. It feel really good to get positive feedback about my writing. I really appreciate it :)Jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13946774095540289320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-61713158482041818572012-09-18T19:57:29.824-04:002012-09-18T19:57:29.824-04:00(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this...(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)<br /><br />I love your first 150 words, and I can tell you definitely have what it takes. Your writing is evocative and concise, and I can totally picture Rowan's day while he's stomping around outside.<br /><br />The only thing I can't picture from your query is what Rowan looks like. I see from your comment above that Rowan is a human boy with bear hands, so I definitely think that's something that should be explained in your query. (I initially pictured him as a bear, and then I was wondering why he didn't like his hands. ;))<br /><br />A super easy fix, and an excellent story!SugarMagnolianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-31216988730616662682012-09-17T23:35:24.922-04:002012-09-17T23:35:24.922-04:00Hi Tracy,
Thanks for your feedback. Yes, the main...Hi Tracy,<br /><br />Thanks for your feedback. Yes, the main character is a human boy who has bear hands. If you are interested, you can see images of him on <a href="http://blog.jessiesima.com/" rel="nofollow">my blog</a>. I am an illustrator first and formost, so I really appreciate any and all feedback about the clarity of my writing. Jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13946774095540289320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-58920454161288180292012-09-17T22:52:56.742-04:002012-09-17T22:52:56.742-04:00I like the idea of realizing something positive fr...I like the idea of realizing something positive from being different, but I don't understand the Bear Hands and Bear Feet. Is the MC a human boy with strange hands and feet? Is he a bear living with a human family who wants to be a boy? I think there is a good start here, but some clarification in the query would be helpful.Tracy MacDonaldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03615611919340469444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-73148173695358795342012-09-17T12:04:22.712-04:002012-09-17T12:04:22.712-04:00Thanks for participating! My plan is to read throu...Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.<br /><br />Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!SugarMagnolianoreply@blogger.com