tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post170433423350905631..comments2023-11-03T09:37:18.738-04:00Comments on Deana Barnhart: Rd 1 Agent Pitch Contest #24 - THUNDERBIRD DREAMSDeanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17958057331230037880noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-11179006895950496512012-11-12T10:52:39.160-05:002012-11-12T10:52:39.160-05:00YOU HAVE MY VOTE!YOU HAVE MY VOTE!Romohttp://www.goldsilverfactor.com/q-what-caused-the-silver-price-inflation-by-1804-goldsilverfactor/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-2515370888471816082012-09-19T19:31:54.665-04:002012-09-19T19:31:54.665-04:00Thanks everyone for the wonderful comments and sug...Thanks everyone for the wonderful comments and suggestions. SugarmMagnolia, you are amazing with giving such detailed critiques to everyone. You asked some good questions about my query. And thanks Baby for the vote!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-423817640833268172012-09-19T11:14:47.380-04:002012-09-19T11:14:47.380-04:00YOU HAVE MY VOTE!YOU HAVE MY VOTE!Babynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-86960774388812264962012-09-19T10:12:50.314-04:002012-09-19T10:12:50.314-04:00This query improved so much since pitch polish. No...This query improved so much since pitch polish. Now, put in a little more of your MC's voice in the last para and you're perfect. I would so much love to read this story.Katharina Gerlachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223722392075669331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-13825696876736664772012-09-18T14:34:13.220-04:002012-09-18T14:34:13.220-04:00(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this...(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)<br /><br />What a great concept! I love Christine's voice, and I can sense how exciting and fast-paced this novel must be. Excellent idea! <br /><br />I'm a little unclear about the Thunderbird's powers. How could the mine boss steal it? And what exactly is he planning on destroying with it?<br /><br />I was also a bit unclear about why Christine didn't want her mom to come back and visit her. You mention guilt over the drowning in the third paragraph, but is there any way you could move a hint of this to the first paragraph? <br /><br />(I say this because I would be OVERJOYED if my mother came back and visited me as a ghost. The fact that Christine doesn't want her to initially made me think her mom was scary or evil.)<br /><br />What a great job, though. Your voice is spot-on, and this sounds like a wonderful story.SugarMagnolianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-15629220762567228242012-09-18T09:37:12.540-04:002012-09-18T09:37:12.540-04:00Ooh - I loved the premise of this one! Good luck:...Ooh - I loved the premise of this one! Good luck:)gailecnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08004265486129312885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-575905423401713922012-09-17T19:55:15.132-04:002012-09-17T19:55:15.132-04:00I really enjoyed your first 150! I think Chris has...I really enjoyed your first 150! I think Chris has fun, spunky voice that makes her a fun MC to follow around. The fact she does NOT want to believe in ghosts is a nice twist, too. <br /><br />I think the last paragraph in your query could maybe use a little more of that fun Christine voice in it. <br /><br />Best of luck! Rina Heiselhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16428957510374534772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-58363013995997920982012-09-17T13:17:58.129-04:002012-09-17T13:17:58.129-04:00So glad to see your query here, [name of person I ...So glad to see your query here, [name of person I can’t say because this contest is anonymous]. Good luck! :)Jaymehttps://twitter.com/writerjaymenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-77480486478603777812012-09-17T12:12:20.344-04:002012-09-17T12:12:20.344-04:00Thanks for participating! My plan is to read throu...Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.<br /><br />Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!SugarMagnolianoreply@blogger.com