tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post5181942879920581826..comments2023-11-03T09:37:18.738-04:00Comments on Deana Barnhart: 1st Rd Sm Press Contest #22 - The Children of the NephilimDeanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17958057331230037880noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-70007884340710477312012-10-04T09:34:38.606-04:002012-10-04T09:34:38.606-04:00Thanks so much Lone Star. :) I really appreciated ...Thanks so much Lone Star. :) I really appreciated your kind words.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-19652924119061221812012-10-03T22:57:10.601-04:002012-10-03T22:57:10.601-04:00You're the one I'd vote for if I had one m...You're the one I'd vote for if I had one more vote. :) Fortunately for you, you didn't need mine!Lone Starnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-38413460587254621182012-10-03T18:13:10.433-04:002012-10-03T18:13:10.433-04:00This entry is strong overall. Your query kept my a...This entry is strong overall. Your query kept my attention the whole way through, which is tough for me and my wandering mind. :) I liked the voice and the added twist. I love the promise that something unexpected will happen.Lone Starnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-59667251350069693192012-10-03T08:55:52.813-04:002012-10-03T08:55:52.813-04:00Your 150 are unbelievable. Simply incredible. Kee...Your 150 are unbelievable. Simply incredible. Keep doing what you do.<br /><br />With much admiration,<br />Submission #25Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-39563363113316507472012-10-02T17:16:25.704-04:002012-10-02T17:16:25.704-04:00Thank you all so much!! :) Thank you all so much!! :) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-49633111006928954812012-10-02T16:16:11.507-04:002012-10-02T16:16:11.507-04:00Psst... I’m back. You have my vote! :)Psst... I’m back. <b>You have my vote!</b> :)Honey Badgernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-69157110688177540872012-10-02T14:08:32.666-04:002012-10-02T14:08:32.666-04:00Your query pulled me in with the worldbuilding. I ...Your query pulled me in with the worldbuilding. I like your voice and unique concept. <br /><br />I'd buy this book. <br /><br />You have my vote.Escape Artistnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-16118330559349828862012-10-02T11:38:52.881-04:002012-10-02T11:38:52.881-04:00Thank you guys for your great feedback. I really ...Thank you guys for your great feedback. I really appreciate it. Although the death of Paxton's boyfriend is important, it also occurs during the first part of the MS so I've been torn about including it or not. I'll definitely muddle it around. :) But with the help of savvy critiques like these, I should have some great results. Thanks so much Rina, Mystery, Honey and Renfeh. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-74118521550550842962012-10-02T08:02:12.694-04:002012-10-02T08:02:12.694-04:00I love this! Very imaginative and descriptive. You...I love this! Very imaginative and descriptive. You make it easy to picture her surroundings and feel her emotions, as she goes home. Excellentrenfehhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06531846409179898905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-37203843163139922482012-10-01T23:17:40.312-04:002012-10-01T23:17:40.312-04:00Hey, Entry #22!
I’m going around giving everyone...Hey, Entry #22! <br /><br />I’m going around giving everyone at least one critique and one positive today. (Maybe more, if I spot something helpful.)<br /><br /><b>Positive:</b><br />- Great voice!<br /><br /><b>Critique:</b><br />- I’d tweak the last paragraph to avoid spoiling the death of her boyfriend (unless it's not very important). Allude to those high stakes, let us know what the Nephilim are capable of, but leave us wanting to read more. Just my two cents on this one. :)<br /><br />Best of luck!Honey Badgernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-56466238229553907632012-10-01T19:33:46.473-04:002012-10-01T19:33:46.473-04:00Oh. Wow. What else is there to say? You've don...Oh. Wow. What else is there to say? You've done a brilliant job. The first 150 words make me ache for her. That's impressive.<br /><br />Your query is a bit long. It's traditionally accepted that you limit it to 250 words (up to 300 max) because you want to keep the agent's/editor's attention tight and focused. If you can develop a great hook for your query (a strong first sentence that sucks the reader in), that will help, because the query is well-written. But for a sci-fi, it's a bit generic. Consider that change and tighten it up some and I believe you have HUGE potential with this manuscript.<br /><br />You've got my vote.Mystery Science Theater Geeknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-72679019113950195062012-10-01T15:45:37.046-04:002012-10-01T15:45:37.046-04:00As far as your query, I love the world you've ...As far as your query, I love the world you've created here. The space station setting, students as science experiments and a protag with a chip on her shoulder- I like it! <br /><br />I think your first 150 words are gorgeous. The entire second paragraph is a thing of beauty. :) I just love your imagery. Rinanoreply@blogger.com