tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post6291625271598070454..comments2023-11-03T09:37:18.738-04:00Comments on Deana Barnhart: 1st Rd Sm Press Contest #17 - UncoveredDeanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17958057331230037880noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-26542672531422407082013-03-12T17:43:54.322-04:002013-03-12T17:43:54.322-04:00Hey there! Someоne in my Mуspace group shared this...Hey there! Someоne in my Mуspace group shared this wеbsite with us ѕo Ι came tο giѵe it a loοk.<br />I'm definitely enjoying the information. I'm bookmarkіng <br />anԁ will be tweetіng this to my follοwers!<br />Excеptional blog аnd brilliant dеsign.<br /><br /><br />Have a look at my web-site <a href="http://Mollysloans.co.uk" rel="nofollow">same day loans</a>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-75094872928509389042013-03-06T06:37:55.495-05:002013-03-06T06:37:55.495-05:00Asking quеstіonѕ аre rеally pleaѕаnt thing іf yοu ...Asking quеstіonѕ аre rеally pleaѕаnt thing іf yοu are not understаnԁіng something tоtаllу, but thіs ροѕt giveѕ ρleasаnt undeгstаnding even.<br /><br /><br />Αlso visіt my weblog: <a href="http://freyasloans.co.uk/" rel="nofollow">payday loans</a>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-11359063050189156642012-10-04T10:39:38.165-04:002012-10-04T10:39:38.165-04:00Great voice! Great premise! You have my vote!Great voice! Great premise! You have my vote!Slave to the Musenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-84509757084395072162012-10-03T17:21:02.103-04:002012-10-03T17:21:02.103-04:00The query and first 150 are strong. This line thre...The query and first 150 are strong. This line threw me a little, "He’s teeming with secrets and his cryptic answers about who he is and where he’s from have Hallie yearning to punch him—whenever she’s not thinking about kissing him." It was just a little long and messy. I think if you remove "He's teaming with secrets and" it will work much better.<br /><br />The query is solid, but I'd love to hear more about what makes your story special. Falling for a mysterious, brooding, supernatural stranger is done a lot in YA. It's a premise that's used a lot for a reason, but make sure to emphasize what's fresh about yours.Lone Starnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-32960946913231709582012-10-02T15:04:25.044-04:002012-10-02T15:04:25.044-04:00I enjoyed the query and the first words.
You ha...I enjoyed the query and the first words. <br /><br />You have my vote.Escape Artistnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-79722959396463702992012-10-02T08:57:16.159-04:002012-10-02T08:57:16.159-04:00Hooray for the vote! I remember this query as well...Hooray for the vote! I remember this query as well! You've done a great job so far. Can't wait to read the book! GOOD LUCK!!Leighhttp://www.leighstatham.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-45918889584059251002012-10-02T02:34:25.252-04:002012-10-02T02:34:25.252-04:00Psst... I’m back. You’ve got my vote! :)Psst... I’m back. <b>You’ve got my vote!</b> :)Honey Badgernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-63664148586538779982012-10-01T23:42:53.472-04:002012-10-01T23:42:53.472-04:00This query is so much tighter than I remember of t...This query is so much tighter than I remember of the draft I read before. I still love the story but now the voice is really solid in the query. I love that the voice carries into the first 150. <br /><br />"He’s teeming with secrets and his cryptic answers about who he is and where he’s from have Hallie yearning to punch him—whenever she’s not thinking about kissing him."<br /><br />I don't remember the original incarnation of this line exactly but I remember it needed some work and you really nailed it now! <br /><br />I love the stakes at the end, too! Very well written, intense, and hooks you in from the start. Great job! I hope you move on to the next round!Mara Valderranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04718957990733048214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-6444779943530730702012-10-01T21:38:36.536-04:002012-10-01T21:38:36.536-04:00Hey, Entry #17!
I’m going around giving everyone...Hey, Entry #17! <br /><br />I’m going around giving everyone at least one critique and one positive today. (Maybe more, if I spot something helpful.)<br /><br /><b>Positive:</b><br />- Overall good entry! <br /><br /><b>Critique:</b><br />- I’m going to assume we see ‘the day things change’ in the first few pages. Otherwise, I’d say make sure you have something impactful early on. :)<br /><br />Best of luck!Honey Badgernoreply@blogger.com