tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post7296583122773978422..comments2023-11-03T09:37:18.738-04:00Comments on Deana Barnhart: 1st Rd Sm Press Contest #19 - 151Deanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17958057331230037880noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-38064611840927092562012-10-03T17:32:34.749-04:002012-10-03T17:32:34.749-04:00I didn't really understand how the MC was &quo...I didn't really understand how the MC was "one too many". It sounds interesting, but you never really explain it.<br /><br />It sounds like you're using omniscient POV in the first paragraph as we can see the color of the eyes of both characters. If we're in Aeneas's POV, we can't see him because we're seeing through his eyes. Omniscient isn't used much and I don't recommend it, but if you are using it just make sure it's consistent.<br /><br />Leaking sewage in his hair...yuck! :)Lone Starnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-88621828064267093652012-10-02T14:30:49.823-04:002012-10-02T14:30:49.823-04:00I like your query, but I had to read it twice to g...I like your query, but I had to read it twice to get that meaning of "one more" than 150. I'd find a way to explain with a sentence at the end of the first paragraph of the query. <br /><br />Watch your repettion. "Any" and "anybody" are very close together. Other than that, I loved the voice in both your query and first 150 words.<br /><br />You have my vote. Good luck!<br /><br />Escape Artistnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-68234249867179599922012-10-02T02:30:26.609-04:002012-10-02T02:30:26.609-04:00Psst... I’m back. You’ve got my vote! :)Psst... I’m back. <b>You’ve got my vote!</b> :)Honey Badgernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-51056568060130577382012-10-02T00:05:22.093-04:002012-10-02T00:05:22.093-04:00So, I want to read this. Like now. No scratch that...So, I want to read this. Like now. No scratch that. I want to watch this movie. <br />Great job!LyndseyLewellenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18356076667057877197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-15484732896784813652012-10-01T23:00:17.763-04:002012-10-01T23:00:17.763-04:00Hey, Entry #19!
I’m going around giving everyone...Hey, Entry #19! <br /><br />I’m going around giving everyone at least one critique and one positive today. (Maybe more, if I spot something helpful.)<br /><br /><b>Positive:</b><br />- I really, <i>really</i> like this query.<br /><br /><b>Critique:</b><br />- Not much to say here. ;) I have a feeling I’ll be back.<br /><br />Best of luck!Honey Badgernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-91615867091857067072012-10-01T18:46:55.199-04:002012-10-01T18:46:55.199-04:00This is BRILLIANT! I love everything about it. Ser...This is BRILLIANT! I love everything about it. Seriously, you've hit it out of the park as far as I'm concerned. Way to go!<br /><br />You've absolutely got my vote!Mystery Science Theater Geeknoreply@blogger.com