tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post9182521553736467676..comments2023-11-03T09:37:18.738-04:00Comments on Deana Barnhart: Rd 1 Agent Pitch Contest #11 - TWENTY-FOUR HOUR BOYDeanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17958057331230037880noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-33031838584252741442012-09-20T11:25:50.083-04:002012-09-20T11:25:50.083-04:00Thanks, Rooster! I wish you had more votes, too. Thanks, Rooster! I wish you had more votes, too. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-9610066222951385802012-09-19T15:28:31.613-04:002012-09-19T15:28:31.613-04:00This concept and character sound great. I'd lo...This concept and character sound great. I'd love to know a little about why he doesn't sleep. Which I guess I'd have to read the book, but I really want to know. LOL. Your 150 are great. I agree with others that say he sounds older but I get your explanation that he's skipped a grade. I LOVE that he learned Klingon. I'm a geek at heart. Again this is another case of if I had more votes. Keep going strong and GOOD LUCK!The Roosternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-51971286381956120982012-09-19T13:42:48.020-04:002012-09-19T13:42:48.020-04:00Thank you, Baby! I know I have to wait and see if ...Thank you, Baby! I know I have to wait and see if I make it to the final round, but you have officially made my day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-67880067112582128852012-09-19T11:15:40.547-04:002012-09-19T11:15:40.547-04:00YOU HAVE MY VOTE!YOU HAVE MY VOTE!Babynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-85728006229694990822012-09-19T09:59:24.519-04:002012-09-19T09:59:24.519-04:00Thank you for everyone's feedback. I wasn'...Thank you for everyone's feedback. I wasn't fast enough on the keyboard to get in the pitch polish, so this was very helpful! The "beheading" turns out to be a magic trick by the new neighbor (math teacher by day, Mr. Mystere by night...) and I wasn't sure if I should reveal that in the query, but obviously I should.<br />Good luck to everyone else!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-51439230146629220502012-09-18T22:41:56.544-04:002012-09-18T22:41:56.544-04:00I like the query and the first 150 very much. Hunt...I like the query and the first 150 very much. Hunter's voice is very believable (mature for a 10 year old) so it might be worth adding a line for the reader to connect with the fact that he skipped two grades. The only other thing I'd say about that is that while kids who skip two grades are typically very smart, they are also typically very immature. Hunter sounds mature, responsible, and respectful, which may or may not be normal for a 10 year old. My 10 year old is a girl, so I can't even say first-hand. <br />Generally speaking though, I really like this and it sounds like a story my kids would enjoy and then use to suggest staying up all night. :)Tracy MacDonaldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03615611919340469444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-6613249341165242102012-09-18T16:30:43.960-04:002012-09-18T16:30:43.960-04:00(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this...(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)<br /><br />What a fun idea! My very first crush was on MacGyver, so you had me at hello there. ;)<br /><br />My only concern is the fact that a beheading seems like a terribly, terribly gruesome thing for a kid to watch (even if it is maybe only Hunter's imagination). I kinda feel like Hunter's parents and the police should be WAY more concerned than this, and I think it should probably affect Hunter more, too. <br /><br />If Hunter didn't actually see this happen, I think that should be made more clear in the query. Otherwise, it seems like everyone is avoiding the massive, decapitated head in the room. ;)SugarMagnolianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-411800162582678842012-09-17T19:43:01.096-04:002012-09-17T19:43:01.096-04:00Thanks for the feedback. My protag is skipped ahea...Thanks for the feedback. My protag is skipped ahead two years in school, so if I made him twelve he'd be in high school and lose the middle grade angle. I don't know if that helps to clear up any confusion, but that's why he's only ten! He is in sixth grade.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-81813674168614590972012-09-17T19:32:38.711-04:002012-09-17T19:32:38.711-04:00I kind of wondered if he should be a bit older as ...I kind of wondered if he should be a bit older as well. Cool concept though! Alleged Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04869021184116123477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-88504987097026610242012-09-17T14:27:29.664-04:002012-09-17T14:27:29.664-04:00I like it, too. Just a thought, though: should he ...I like it, too. Just a thought, though: should he be a little bit older? Ten years old would put him around 5th grade at best, which might turn off 6th-8th graders (e.g. middle graders). Eleven or twelve might work better, and would be a little more believable that he could create a whole lab by himself. Cool concept though! Good luck!Dr. Milestonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07585145084126178216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-37846842441979641712012-09-17T12:29:44.280-04:002012-09-17T12:29:44.280-04:00I think the comment above shoudl go with entry 1. ...I think the comment above shoudl go with entry 1. This comment is for entry 11 (just in case my Internet is buggy again):<br /><br />missing punctuation: ...superpowers(dot) As...<br /><br />Your query is wonderful, and I'd read more of the sample.Katharina Gerlachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223722392075669331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-14603908305717496342012-09-17T12:14:40.990-04:002012-09-17T12:14:40.990-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14114624813405241762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016505486794178553.post-38647634260576141252012-09-17T12:06:18.068-04:002012-09-17T12:06:18.068-04:00Thanks for participating! My plan is to read throu...Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.<br /><br />Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!SugarMagnolianoreply@blogger.com