Pitch Polish #111 (missed entry - added later)

The Consequential Element

Action/Suspense/Thriller

101,000 words

Query:

The Consequential Element, is a completed work of thirty-six chapters and 101,000 words in the action/suspense/thriller genre.

Danni Montgomery, a child survivor of a rebel raid on an African village fifteen years earlier, receives a letter written by her uncle who has mysteriously disappeared somewhere deep within the African Congo. In it, her uncle speaks of a fantastic discovery that will change the fate of the troubled United States from China's imminent takeover. A rare earth element known as Promethium, the missing element needed for the completion of Viper 6 - an unprecedented stealth missile - that will secure the position of world leader for the United States. Now, Danni is leading a team of mercenaries on a journey into the harsh, remote corners of the Congo. A journey where Danni makes a phenomenal discovery of her own. Searching for her uncle and his remarkable find, Danni must face her worst fears - the man who murdered her mother and burned the village - the man who stole the essence her life. But will she choose love over hatred? Or will her desire for revenge prove stronger than she can bear...

First 150 Words:

Chapter 1

"What do you mean, you have to turn me in? Do you know what you're saying?" Roland Dupre sat in the over-stuffed, brown leather chair across from Simpson's desk, his fists clenched at the betrayal of his old friend's words.

Charles Simpson stood staring out the window into the gardens of the U.S. Embassy. The sweet, nutty scent of his Cuban cigar wafted through the air, landing on Roland's taste buds. "This isn't Botswana we're talking about," Simpson said, "It's the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and you crossed the line when you went digging there. The DRC wants what they believe to be rightfully theirs, for the benefit of their country."

Roland sneered. "Come on, Charlie. We've been friends far too long, and seen far too many years of political bullshit for you to think I'd believe that crap. You know as well as I do the rebels have been working with the Chinese on digs like mine, ever since they discovered the element Yttrium a few months back."

Pitch Polish #110 (missed entry - added later)

The Mirror Tells No Lies

Adult Fantasy

125,000 Words

Query: 

Over 250 years after Snow White’s death, a new generation of heroes, magicians, and monsters struggle with the consequences of her happily ever after.

Some would say that when Snow White and Prince Charming the First ruled the Kingdom of Evaenor, they brought a Golden Age of peace when they banned the barbaric ways of magic the Poisoner Queen wielded so ruthlessly.  In fact, that is what Ruby Wryder believed until the Inquisitors came to arrest her and she had to flee to the forest.  She finds shelter with a mysterious group of healers calling themselves The Sisterhood who use magic in defiance of the law.  Their leader is the enigmatic Abbess, a powerful magical creature who at once fascinates and terrifies young Ruby.  While Ruby strives to learn more about the secret magic that attempts to survive in the shadows of the Kingdom, she and the Sisterhood are unaware that the King has fallen deathly ill.  Desperate to save his father, Prince Phillip Charming the IV must seek the help of the Sisterhood, though he distrusts magicians as much as they distrust him.

   

First 150:

Prologue:

            Snow White.  Cinderella.  Prince Charming the First.

            They are dead.

            They have been dead for over 250 years.

            You’d never know it with how damned near-obsessed people still are with their lives, as though we’ve already achieved all the greatness we can as a society.  Is our Kingdom so mediocre that we cannot hope to achieve better than a pumpkin carriage and ridiculously small and impractical footwear?

            I think we love that old guard, that Golden Age, because we dream that we can be them one day.  Someday, our bitter cup could be taken away and we too might live happily ever after.  People love a bit of fantasy.

            But there are consequences to a happily ever after too easily won, though they never felt them in the halls of the White Palace.  We carried them on our backs. 

            We magicians.

            We fair-folk.

            We monsters.

            We women.

            Then, just as we were all about to sink from the weight of our burdens, a few brave souls crawled out of the mire and fought for happily ever after.

Pitch Polish Week Has Begun!!

So I have to start off by saying I messed up...in a few ways.

1) I accidentally took more entries than 100. That's what I get for opening the window for Pitch Polish entries in my regular email account. I WILL NOT be doing that for the contests so stay tuned for a new GUTGAA email address.

2) Another accident. I posted a few of the query/first 150 at about 3AM while I was bleary eyed and losing it just a tad. Once I realized what I'd done and fixed the problem, people had already left a couple comments on them. I'm sorry to say those entries numbers have changed so you'll have to find them once more. Also, I have the comments in my email and I will be posting them to the correct entries soon. So sorry about that one:(

I plan on posting links to the entries as well (title and number) on my sidebar today so be on the lookout for that.

3) And another mess up. I realized 75% of the way through posting the entries that I said queries on the Pitch Polish didn't have to be only the meat (they do for the contests!) so some queries had credentials taken out. If you would like them to be put back, please look over your query/first 150 and email me what you want back in.

I think that's all the mistakes I made. Sorry guys. I try, but I'm only human.

Oh, and I have no idea why, when you click on 'older posts' it takes you beyond the pitch polish entries to much older posts. Anyone tech savvy know why that might happen? Oh well, you can use the left sidebar links for now. What's a large blogfest without a couple glitches, right? :)

Rules for Pitch Polish

- I have tried to group the entries in similar categories (sorry Kevin, only one PB made it in the PP.) It would be great if you can critique as many entries as possible (you have until Thursday), but if time is short for you, at least ten would be a good number. And so that no one is missed, please do the ones right around your entry first.

- I know we all love each other, but lets make this constructive. No fluff comments just to be nice and please don't be rude either. I think I mentioned before how we can all be helpful without thrashing someone to bits.

- These entries are anonymous, but if someone wants to reveal themselves in order to answer questions from the critters, that is completely fine by me.

- As I looked over some of the queries last night, I noticed that some seemed more synopsis-like, rather than query-like. If you're having query trouble I want to help you out.

Here are some links that are really helpful:
Kelley Lynn's Three C's 
Nathan Bransford's How to Write a Query Letter
Elana Johnson's From the Query to the Call
Query Hell: The Fastest Way to Madness

FYI: I've been talking to some of my friends, who have agents, about doing a Twitter Q & A with you guys if you're interested. We may not be agents or publishers, but we've made a big leap in the right direction and maybe we can help you make it too. Would anyone be interested in doing something like this?

Also, this week I will be posting some interview questions that our agents were nice enough to answer for us. 

I think that's it for now! Have fun polishing your pitches!

Pitch Polish #1

Nicks Very First Day of Baseball

Children’s Picture Book

258 words

Query:

Remember your very first day of baseball? Remember the thrill of putting on your uniform for the very first time? If you do, then you’re in the minority.

Bottom line, baseball’s in trouble. Today’s kids don’t know it and love it like we did, like our parents did. And our kids are paying the price. It’s a different world, and today’s kids have lost touch with the game. Kids don’t play outside much, and the sandlot’s turned into a parking lot. Now they’re playing computer games and watching TV. Baseball’s getting lost. I want to bring the American pastime back into kids’ lives and I know how.

As a coach, I see kids showing up at their first practice not knowing what home plate is. They don’t even know which direction to run! There’s such a need for baseball … the things they learn will help them in every part of their lives. Things like teamwork, discipline, things like strategy and thinking before they act. I am going to help get kids out of the house and get them moving – more green, less screen!

Then there’s the opportunity for parents and kids to share this together. Parents who don’t know much about baseball will learn about it as they read to their kids. Parents who already love baseball will have a chance to tell their own stories. It’s the kind of bonding that families remember forever. And it all starts with a bedtime story!

The Woodstock All Stars will appeal to fans of the Lucy Cousins’ Maisy Mouse series for three to five year olds. The book is based on the real life experiences of Coach Kevin Christofora who volunteers as a little league coach in Woodstock, N.Y.

First 150:

Today, Mom signed me up for baseball. I can't wait until Friday!

Dad took me to get a new glove. It fit perfectly.

Everywhere I went, I dreamed of baseball.

I had baseball all over my brain.

I practiced everyday while my parents were busy around the house.

Today, I threw goldfish crackers to my dog Yogi. He's a good catcher.

When it was bedtime, Mom tucked me in. Boy, I can't wait until tomorrow!

(Interactive baseball caricature ask question, How many baseballs can you count?)

Finally it was Friday, and I went to baseball. All of my friends were there.

Coach lined us up and said, "Be patient, everyone will get a turn." "Now, let's see how tall you are."

I got my very own shirt and hat. It was my size and had a number just like the big kids!

The coach lined us up to run around the bases. We had to say the name of the base as we ran over it.

Pitch Polish #2

Confessions of a Cornhead

Middle Grade Contemporary

38,000

Query:

Dear Agent,

Twelve-year-old year old Bernie Taylor wants to be an actress but not your typical country-music lovin’, cowboy-boot wearin’, beef-eatin’ actress you’d expect from Cornville, Illinois. No way. She wants to go to Chicago to be a real actress, just like her mom did the summer before she died of breast cancer. Bernie keeps a journal that her Mom gave her and writes down all her confessions, not the things she does wrong, but her deepest feelings of the heart, ‘cause she doesn’t want any of those regrets Mom talked about. Regrets sound too much like those bubbly blisters she keeps getting on her feet from wearing shoes she just shouldn’t. Sometimes it’s just not easy to do what she wants to do with Dad getting in her way, kind of like trying to fit into a two inch high pair of last year’s Christian Louboutin knock-offs.

Then, during the announcement of the sixth grade play, Bernie’s teacher reveals that there will be one scholarship to the prestigious Tai Royale Summer Camp for the Performing Arts in Chicago. Bernie knows it’s her one big chance to achieve her dream. She spends too much time dreaming of the lead role in the play (which includes kissing Cameron Edmunds) and not enough time practicing her audition lines. She bumbles her lines, blows her audition, and battles her bully, Dixie Moxley, reigning Jr. Miss Corn Harvest Queen. She digs in the heels of her hand-me-down knee-high boots, determined to win that scholarship-somehow. If she doesn't, she'll be stuck in Cornville forever, far away from the fame she craves.

CONFESSIONS OF A CORNHEAD is a middle-grade novel complete at 38,000 words. Each chapter title is a different confession along the lines of Meg Cabot’s ALLIE FINKLE’S RULES FOR GIRLS.

I am a teacher and freelance writer. My first picture book, AM I LIKE MY DADDY?, in the children’s grief genre, will be released by university publisher Bronze Man Books at Millikin University in October 2012. I am a member of SCBWI.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

First 150 words:

Confessions of a Cornhead

Chapter 1: I’m gonna win an Oscar someday.

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Bernadette Taylor…Applause…Applause…Walk to stage, careful not to trip on my one-of-a-kind, single-shouldered, floor length, midnight blue dress......I’d like to thank the academy for recognizing my talent with an Oscar for Best Actress in a leading role. Ryan, Taylor, Johnny…to be able to act with such fine Hollywood talent has been a dream.

I write my acceptance speech in my math notebook, along the edge next to the spiral binder. I'm having a hard time getting through class today. I don’t know too many Hollywood actors who thank their math teachers in their acceptance speeches for teaching them algorithmic equations. I won’t be the first.

“What are you writing, Bernie?” I know that corn syrup voice, sweet, sugary, and fake.

“None of your business, Dixie.” I shut my notebook and gather my books, waiting for the bell to ring and bring me one day closer to getting out of Cornville Middle School and into Chicago where I’ll be a big star, just like Mom.

Pitch Polish #3

DORO JEAN MORETTI MAKES A WISH

MIDDLE GRADE

43,000 words

Query:

            Sixth-grader Doro Moretti’s greatest accomplishments are first chair cellist in the school orchestra – out of only two cellos – and crosswalk monitor every other Monday. So when Doro discovers her new cello grants wishes, she’s sure it’s her chance to leap into the spotlight. She’ll wow the crowd, win a scholarship to music camp, maybe even become famous like her super-genius sister.

            But magic isn’t easy to master. Doro wishes a mustache on a lady teacher, floods her school and buries her bedroom under a tidal wave of Skittles.

            Doro’s wish to be the best makes her fingers dance over the strings. It also eliminates the competition. Her best friend and musical rival, JaElle, stops playing and blames Doro’s magic for a mysterious illness striking her family. Doro wants to help her friend, but if she undoes her wish, she may lose her ability to play – and her chance at fame – forever.

            DORO JEAN MORETTI MAKES A WISH (43,000 words) is a mixture of magic and middle grade reality that may appeal to fans of books such as Bigger Than a Bread Box by Laurel Snyder and 11 Birthdays by Wendy Mass. The first 150 words are pasted below.

First 150 Words:

DORO JEAN MORETTI MAKES A WISH

               Doro peered between the bedroom curtains and laughed. The goats were having a dance marathon. Nonnie stood on the feed bunk shakin’ his tail like a hip-hop star while the rest of the herd bumped and bleated like backup singers. The cold tugged at Doro’s fingers as she cracked open the window.

            “Wooooo, Nonnie!”

            Mom opened the bedroom door and stood in the frame. Doro froze. The open window and her wild, unbrushed hair were sure to wipe away Mom’s goofy smile.

            “Morning, Sweetheart. Hustle downstairs. Your Dad and I have a surprise.” Mom’s voice rose at the end of the sentence and finished with a tiny squeak.

            “What--” But the door had already closed.

Pitch Polish #4

TITLE OF MANUSCRIPT: LAU DAI LÁ

GENRE: MIDDLE GRADE FANTASY

WORD COUNT: 41,000

Query:

Linh Briggston’s only friends are elves, fairies, and other magical creatures who live with her in Dublin, Ireland—friends she must never reveal to anyone. When a windhorse whisks the eleven-year-old girl from her home, she lands in Lau Dai Lá, a parallel world destroyed by black magic. There, she meets a male fairy named Tombo who warns her about a terrible threat from a group of dark magicians.

The magicians plan to enslave her in order to steal a powerful weapon, a magic crossbow, after discovering that she lives on Earth. With the crossbow, they will regain enough power to conquer Linh’s world. Linh faces a staggering task: to locate the crossbow before they do and to earn Tombo’s friendship, risking her life to stop them from putting her family, her magical friends, and humankind in grave danger.

First 150:

Linh sighed in the hallway, her arms folded. She became bored of doing homework after school, so bored that she sat on the bottom step of the staircase and fiddled with the phoenix talisman around her neck. Suddenly, strange sounds came from the living room.

Eeek! Eeek!

“Mom, are you already there?”

No response. Of course, her mother was at work.

They were probably mice. No surprise there. She’d grown used to hearing those horrible little rodents scuttling inside the clogged drainpipes at school. Likely they’d come out because of her house’s currently clogged drain.

Then she heard thumps within the wall. These couldn’t be mice—unless their tiny feet had grown overnight. She tiptoed toward the sound and tried to pinpoint its source.

One minute. Three. The sounds had stopped.

Stepping toward the large window, she pulled away the long, velvet curtains. She gasped. A narrow door stood beneath the window.

Pitch Polish #5

THE ONLY INFINITE

MIDDLE GRADE SCI-FI

80,000 words

 Query:

Lena’s sports-crazy brother faces life in a wheelchair, and his only chance at recovery is a dude who’s totally Cuckoo McQuackers. He claims to be descended from Atlantis, which seems about as likely as Lena getting a date to Sadie Hawkins… until she sees the lost city with her own eyes.

And it’s not just a city.  Not anymore.

In the centuries since Plato, Atlantis has spread under every continent, far beneath the reach of even the deepest drills.  Here, gadgets spice up everything from gym class to the way Lena brushes her teeth.  Throw in a pendant that unravels the mystery of her birth mother and a cute boy from a rival school, and it’s a dream come true.

Then Lena is targeted by PYRE, a militant group bent on expanding Atlantis to Earth’s surface.  Turns out, her mom’s pendant holds a secret a certain Mr. McQuackers would do nearly anything to protect – maybe even put her brother in a wheelchair.  And, in the wrong hands, it poses an even bigger threat than PYRE.

First 150 Words:

CHAPTER ONE: THE MISPLACED MONUMENT

            When the Eiffel Tower vanished, Lena Rush was in a tree house in Jupiter, Florida.  More specifically, she was in the burning wreckage of what had been a tree house before it had… well, exploded.

            It was too bad, really.  She and her little brother, Zac, had only discovered the wooden shack a few months before, snared in the branches of an ancient oak.  The wobbly boards leading up to it had threatened broken bones to anyone stupid enough to try them, but she knew if she didn’t go Zac would.  And she wasn’t about to be outdone by a ten-year-old.

            Together, they’d cleared out some old bird’s nests and patched the roof with duct tape.  By the end, it wasn’t pretty, but it didn’t leak.  And the window hacked into one side offered a killer view of the ocean, which set Lena’s surfer heart singing with each pulsing wave.

Pitch Polish #6

TITLE OF MANUSCRIPT: THE HIGHER ROAD

GENRE: MG contemporary, Earth-based Sci-fi – series potential

WORD COUNT 40,000

Query:

Even though UFO sightings are common, the doctors treating the unidentified, twelve-year-old girl, who survived a major traffic accident, only consider her mirrored internal organs to be an interesting anomaly until her burns, and other injuries, heal overnight; then, she might as well have been marked BIO-ENGINEERED @ ALIEN LABS^TM. Suffering from almost total amnesia, kept in isolation and electronically tagged, the girl – who picks the name Thursday  –  is taunted by the loss of the family she can't remember, struggles with survivor guilt, and guards the secret of the boy who saved her life even when the government agents interrogate her. For the planet, this is the smaller drama as the crash initiates the release of the Universal Authority's representative – their Chancilla – from stasis. Chancilla Ethan is skilled and strong but physically underdeveloped–swamped in hormones he can't control. Protocol says Ethan should avoid detection, resist interference, and get home but he can't remain impartial and clinical. Surrounded by betrayal and the fear of the alien threat, attacked in the safe house and tracked across the highlands, together Thursday and Ethan decide to persuade the species infiltrating the planet to leave Earth alone while Ethan finds a way to get home.

First 150 Words:

THE HIGHER ROAD

CHAPTER 1

BEFORE

Our headlights whitened the lines that marked the centre of A84 and made the trees look ghostly too. The moon tried to light the road for us but the shifting clouds kept crowding over it. I slid back in my tiny, personal space in the van. The roads go up a lot, I thought. Scotland. Maybe they went down too but I hadn't noticed. My stomach ached. It was nothing to do with travelling. I didn't suffer with travel sickness. I laughed.

          To keep me "presentable", my parents sent me to sit on my bed. This wasn’t usually allowed when the van was moving. It was weird. I felt like I was flying. I’d never wanted to be a fairy before, but wearing a dress – for the first time ever – and travelling up the mountain, in the top of our camp-a-van, I thought I could get the hang of it.

Pitch Polish #7

TITLE OF MANUSCRIPT Johnny Drake, Time Traveler GENRE Middle Grade WORD COUNT 56,000 Query: Thirteen year-old Johnny Drake makes an astonishing discovery in his basement one day... followed closely by an outrageous, noble idea. The discovery is a time machine, and the idea is to prevent the car crash that disabled his favorite teacher, Miss Anderson. Using the teacher’s favorite novel, A Christmas Carol, as inspiration, Johnny dresses as the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come and time travels to 1983. He warns her of a future “yet to come” if she gets in a certain car on a specific day. Johnny soon learns, though, that there is a mystery to the crash, and that changing history will have repercussions in the future. Can Johnny alter the past without risking his very existence? Johnny Drake, Time Traveler is full of action and fun, and can easily be a series—he just needs to jump in the time machine and he’s off on another adventure! First 150 Words: Last Christmas my whole world changed. It began with an astonishing discovery in my basement, followed by an outrageous idea I had in class one day... ~ “Johnny Drake, are you paying attention?” Miss Anderson said. The tone in her voice meant Don’t be a slacker. Even while she was scolding me, though, she had a hint of a smile, which suggested she had seen the likes of me before. But I knew she hadn’t. I sat up and tried to look alert. Truth is, I had been paying attention—just not to what she was saying. My attention was on the way she limped to the blackboard, the cane she used to get around. I’d heard the stories of how she got injured when she was fifteen, only two years older than I am now. What I’d been thinking about was preventing the accident that hurt her leg. What I’d been thinking about was time travel.

Pitch Polish #8

Title: Vesper Venti’s Virtual Reality

Genre: Middle Grade Fantasy

Word Count: Almost completed approx 25 000 – 30 000 words

Query:

Virtual reality was what 13-Year-Old Vesper Venti expected when she turned on her parent’s prototype gaming console, but instead she finds herself battling a real ninja inside a dank Egyptian pyramid.   When a mysterious girl named Venny comes to her aid, Vesper is astounded by her revelation.   Vesper is a “time-mender,” but she isn’t buying it.  She just wants to get back to her family until Venny’s second revelation for the day. She is family. They are sisters both stolen from Altonia, a world that was placed at the gates of the universe to prevent Salazar from entering to begin his evil reign. 

 Simple solution, learn to time-mend, big Problem, Venny can only teach Vesper the basics so they improvise.  They find themselves hurtling down a time-stream to Altonia which is under occupation by one of Salazar’s henchman.  Vesper and Venny are forced underground where they meet Ronin a resistance fighter with an even bigger revelation for the sisters. They are the lost heirs to the Altonian throne. When the three motley time-mender’s combine forces and attempt to reclaim the throne,  they realise they have bitten off more than they can mend and now Salazar is rattling the gates of the universe and it’s all their fault. 

First 150

Watch out on your left,’ Drew bellowed as Vesper blocked an open hand jab then swept her leg and back flipped over the couch.  She took her stance again and beckoned the ninja to advance. They paced around the ring, sizing each other up but this time Vesper struck.  She launched into the air whirling around and jabbing left with all her might and the ninja crumpled to the floor.  She took her stance again and bowed low. The ninja dragged itself up and acknowledged the defeat with a bow and the room erupted with cheers. Vesper pulled off the silver cuffs and the ninja, her kimono and the ring disappeared from the room.

Yoshi picked up the silver cuffs and pulled them on. A huge virtual screen appeared and he began swiping his way through. He put ona metal Samurai uniform with a Helmut and grabbed a virtual sword.

Pitch Polish #9

Title: Thunderbird Dreams

Genre: Middle Grade Historical Fantasy

Word Count: 47,000

Query:

Twelve-year-old tomboy Christine Miller doesn’t believe in spooks, ghosts, or spirits. She can’t, ‘cause if she did, she’d have to worry about her Mom coming back to haunt her. Nope, no ghosts for her. So, what is that wailing white figure pointing at her in the middle of the night? And who is playing mysterious tom-toms in the coal mine? Not ghosts, that’s for sure.

She sets out to prove it, ending up in a chase with the local boys that leads her to Native American ruins. Inside the old granary, she finds a strange stick that her new friend, Tate, swears was not there yesterday. When she picks it up, drumbeats pound through her and her feet are set on the path of an ancient quest to save the Thunderbird trapped inside the mountain. The stick is a warclub, and she must use it to send him home.

Chris couldn’t save her mom from drowning, but she will save the last Thunderbird. Even if that means pretending to be a boy to get inside the mine, defying her dad when he finds out, and facing the mine boss in a race to get to the Thunderbird first. Chris wants to free the Thunderbird. The boss wants to trap the Thunderbird here forever by stealing his power. If the boss wins, he will destroy the lives of everyone she has come to care for. If Chris is to win, she will have to let go.

THUNDERBIRD DREAMS, complete at 47,000 words, is a middle grade historical fantasy. An author and an illustrator, I am at home in the kid lit world. My short story, SASSY SLIME SLIDER was purchased by Highlights Magazine. My black and white illustrations can be found inside New Moon Magazine and my colorful art on the cover. My digital style artwork was used in a series of Bible story cards for International Masters Publishers, and my digi-traditional art fills the pages of the picture books DADDY DID I EVER SAY? (10 to 2 Children’s Books, 2007), and CANDY CANES IN BETHLEHEM (Pauline Books and Media, May 2012). I am a member of SCBWI and participate in regular critiques with my wonderful crit buddies.

First 150 words:

Not that I’m afraid or anything, ‘cause I’m not, but when a high-pitched wail rises in the chilly night, I pull the quilt up to my eyeballs and scooch closer to my sisters. “Did you hear that?” I whisper.

“It’s a coyote, Christine. Go to sleep,” Bethany mutters. She rolls over and yanks the quilt away. Megan keeps on snoozing in the middle of us, hugging that dang stuffed bear of hers.

“That’s no coyote,” I mutter. We’ve been in this flea-bitten middle-of-nowhere mining town for almost a week now, I know the difference. I shiver and tug my corner of the quilt back. What I heard sounded like a ghost from one of old Jeb’s stories. But he’s far away now and that ghostly sound was nearby.

Another caterwaul, and I sit up. Twelve-year-olds do not believe in ghosts. I don’t. I can’t. 

Pitch Polish #10

TITLE OF MANUSCRIPT: Terry and the Folding Rule of Time
GENRE: MG Historical Fantasy
WORD COUNT: 35000

Query:

Twelve-year-old Terry Roots plays pranks on her teachers. When she soaks her substitute teacher’s chair, wet and angry Mrs. Klio raises a thunderstorm in the classroom and gives her extra homework. Terry has to find out why her ancestor immigrated to America. When she finds Mrs. Klio's folding rule (a folding measuring stick), she accidentally opens a portal in time.

She lands smack-dab in the path of her great-great-grandfather in 1866 Germany causing him to give up his plans of emigration. When Terry returns to her own time, she finds herself in Germany living with a mother she doesn't know, and none of her former friends remember her. To set things right, she has to return to the past and get her great-great-grandfather on a boat to America, or the family she remembers will vanish forever. And the only person she can turn to is Mrs. Klio, the Muse of History.

This standalone story could be the first in a series.

I am a bilingual author with an interest in history. My German novels are under contract with the agency 'yxz'. My first novel in English was a finalist in the 2010 Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers Colorado Gold Contest, and my short story "Wildrose" was a runner up in 2011 in the 80th Writers Digest Writing Competition in the Genre Fiction category. Holly Lisle is my mentor and friend.

First 150 words:

Second bell for science -- I hated old Bodger on the best of days but most of all on Monday mornings. I slammed the door of my locker hard enough that it bounced open again. My magnetic name tag rattled.
TERESA ROOTS -- Mom's idea. She hated my mostly close cropped hair. Chewing on a straw-colored strand of my longer bangs, I closed the locker more gently and sauntered to our classroom. I anticipated old Bodger’s face when he plopped onto a cold, wet chair and smiled a little. Not too much. That would alert him, and he’d guess right away it was me who snuck into class before first bell. I eased into my chair, stretching my gangly legs, feeling smug until the door opened.
Old Bodger hadn't come. A pail of ice cold water ran down my spine when the principal entered instead. His slumped, mousy appearance faded from my mind as I watched the lady that came with him.

Pitch Polish #11

TITLE: The Siren and the Whale

GENRE: MG Fantasy

WORD COUNT: 44,000

QUERY: 

In the city of the Siren, it’s easy to live out one’s dreams—it’s much harder to wake up.

Eleven-year-old Haitian orphan Marie believes her mother is waiting for her on the other side of the ocean. When the mythical Siren rescues her from a tsunami and promises to find her mother, Marie sees it as a dream come true—all she has to do is stay in an underwater city and follow the Siren’s rules. However, after discovering a hallway filled with locked doors, a bracelet similar to the one she lost when she joined the orphanage, and a giant creature that frightens even the Siren, Marie wonders if her dream is becoming a nightmare. Her only friend is a girl who speaks in riddles and seems excessively afraid of the Siren. Although the Siren gives Marie the power to reshape the city to suit her imagination, Marie’s control over her life slips away. As her dream city slowly replaces her memories of her past, Marie must face the ultimate decision: leave the city and lose her mother forever—or remain and lose everything else.

THE SIREN AND THE WHALE is a 44,000 word upper middle-grade fantasy novel set in Port au-Prince around the 2010 earthquake that is part The Books of Elsewhere and part The Never-Ending Story.

FIRST 150 WORDS:  (Note: When I tried to paste this after the query Yahoo italicized everything. Sorry!)

        The blazing sun was in retreat when the earthquake struck Haiti’s southern port city of Jacmel. The children of the Ailes de l’Esprit orphanage were playing on a rocky hill overlooking a tiny beach. It had been a busy day of swimming and playing, and now they held hands, danced in a circle, and sang:

LaSirène, LaBalenn,

Chapo’m tonbe nan la me.

LaSirène, LaBalenn,

Marie tonbe nan la me.

 

            In English, this means:

The Siren, the Whale,

My hat falls in the sea.

The Siren, the Whale,

Marie falls in the sea.

 

            “Children, stop that!” Madame Beauvais, the orphanage director, stepped between the children. Her long, dark braids bounced as she glared at each of them one by one over her tiny, wire-rimmed glasses. “You know better than to taunt the spirits. Do you want the Siren to carry you away and drive you mad?”

            “No, Madame Beauvais,” the children answered in unison.

Pitch Polish #12

UP THE WATERSPOUT

MG FANTASY

60,000

Query:

Three years after the disappearance of his little brother, Georgie, twelve-year-old Wally Spoon hopes to build a new life in his new home, but the past isn’t as gone as Wally thinks. The trouble is just beginning when mysterious Uncle Simon, the man Wally believes took Georgie away, shows up in the neighborhood.

Things get even stranger as Wally discovers Phoebe Spider, a human girl adopted by the elf-like people known as the Timekeepers, and learns the truth: his house sits on a gateway point to the Timekeepers’ world, accessible through the spout of an old bathtub. Furthermore, Uncle Simon, a powerful magician, is planning to enter their world and steal a time machine, rewriting the past to suit his own ends. Wally and Phoebe trail Simon, hoping to learn his plans in time to stop him.

Wally wants to preserve the course of history, yet can’t help but wonder, if he could change time, would Georgie have to be lost forever? Wally must make the right choices. Time itself is at stake.

First 150 Words:

One shingle slid down from the roof, sailed past the cracked third floor window and landed with a tiny thump in a tuft of overgrown grass.

“So this is it?” Bea sneered.

Wally Spoon frowned at his twin sister. That was a bit unfair. Sure, they had just watched a piece of the roof fall right off their new house, but it wasn’t too bad. It was a big house, bigger than any house Wally had ever been in, and it might have been pretty nice back when it was built in 18-whatever. Fancy columns, for sure, though they were kind of dirty.

They climbed the stairs to the porch. Wally liked the stairs too and how they made an arch on the ground, though they had to hop over one broken step. He opened the creaky door. Some paint flaked off and stuck to his hand, but he wiped the hand on his jeans

Pitch Polish #13

ENDANGERED
MG FANTASY ADVENTURE
51,000 WORDS

QUERY "MEAT":

Maddie has a woolly spider monkey that no one else can see. After losing all her friends and getting assigned a therapist, she’s stopped trying to convince people it’s real.

In the summer before sixth grade, Maddie meets worrywart Liam and his smart-aleck friend Hayden, who have recently discovered ‘invisible’ animals of their own. The three kids are recruited into a top-secret wildlife rescue organization, where Maddie is relieved to learn that her monkey is not a hallucination at all. It’s actually a Spirit Animal, the essence of its endangered species. Unfortunately, Maddie’s relief is soon soured by the awful realization that her Spirit Animal is sick. Its sudden illness can mean only one thing: wild woolly spider monkeys are in serious trouble.

Banding together with Liam and Hayden, Maddie must get from California to Brazil to discover what is threatening the monkeys and put a stop to it. Faced with slash and burn deforestation, a corrupt police detective, and desperate poachers, it seems impossible that three kids and one sickly Spirit Animal could have any chance of succeeding in their mission. When it comes to saving her beloved monkeys, though, Maddie knows failure isn't an option.

ENDANGERED (MG; 50K) is a contemporary fantasy adventure with series potential.

I work as an education associate for the Museum of Science in Boston and have studied primatology at the graduate level. In 2011, I wrote a picture book (A BRIDGE FOR THE IN-BETWEEN STREAM) for the Museum of Science, which is used in their educational outreach programs. I am also an active member of SCBWI.

FIRST 150:

“Just stay still for me, won't you?” Maddie asked, lowering the baby monkey into her backpack. “I know you’re excited. I’m excited to be back at the zoo again, too. But if you get out – ”

“Who’s she talking to, Grandma?” a little voice asked.

Maddie immediately stopped what she was doing. People can see you. Got to act normal, she told herself, though it was impossible to keep her hands from bobbing weirdly as Brazilly scampered out of the bag and over them. Brazilly, no! Get back here!She bit down on her lower lip to stop herself from actually shouting after him.

Farther down the spider monkey viewing area, an old lady gave her a sideways glance. A tiny girl in a blue rain jacket blinked curiously at Maddie from the lady’s side.

Maddie grimaced. Brazilly, taking advantage of the situation, had managed to climb halfway up her arm already.

Pitch Polish #14

HOOK'S REVENGE
MIDDLE-GRADE FANTASY ADVENTURE
WORD COUNT: 48,048

Query:

Thirteen-year-old Jocelyn Hook is a disappointment. Her grandfather intends to see her pressed and starched into a well-mannered, fine society lady – but Jocelyn has other plans. Besides having a distinct aversion to starch, Jocelyn wields a sword better than an embroidery needle. She dreams of high-sea adventure, hoping to become every bit as daring a pirate as her infamous father, Captain James Hook. A forced admittance to Miss Eliza Crumb-Biddlecomb’s Finishing School for Young Ladies insists that Jocelyn stuff those dreams into a lacy white handbag – complete with matching hankie. 

When Jocelyn is sprung from school in order to hunt down the crocodile that killed Captain Hook, she finds more adventure than she ever imagined. As if trying to defeat Neverland’s most fearsome beast isn’t enough to deal with, Jocelyn must captain a crew of untrained pirates, battle a not-quite ghostly ship, outwit cannibals that are wild for English cuisine, and tame the attentions of a love-sick fairy.

HOOK’S REVENGE, a middle grade fantasy-adventure, is complete at just over 48,000 words.

First 150 words:

The week before Jocelyn’s grandfather decided to send her to away finishing school was an eventful one, even by her standards.

On Monday, Jocelyn’s newest tutor found his pupil unable to do her history lesson. Someone had torn out most of the pages from her lesson book in order to make paper boats. This same unidentified person then floated the paper vessels on the garden pond, after lighting them on fire, of course. Jocelyn sat at her desk, wide eyes and innocent, with a spot of soot on her nose and the faint smell of smoke still clinging to her rumpled dress.

If you ask me, her tutor was wrong to turn in his resignation. True history is filled with burning fleets.

On Tuesday, Jocelyn startled the head cook, who rather foolishly did not expect the girl to come flying down the front banister brandishing a wooden sword and singing a bawdy sea chantey at the top of her lungs.

Pitch Polish #15

MIRROR OF SAND AND FLAME

Upper middle grade adventure with fantasy elements

43,000 words

Query: 

Twelve-year-old Zeb Reardon just watched his cousin Bryce disappear down a mineshaft in the smoky, abandoned town of Martinsville, PA, but nobody believes him—and that’s no surprise to Zeb. Folks quit trusting Zeb six years back, when he failed to report in time the underground coal fire that demolished Martinsville. The whole town had to relocate a mile away to New Martin, and everyone still knows Zeb as the kid who didn’t save Martinsville when he had the chance.

Since no one believes Zeb about Bryce’s fall, Zeb goes after Bryce himself…and discovers that the old coal mine tunnels around Martinsville lead to the eerie setting of his father’s fantasy novel CandleLand. In this burnt-up world of yellow sand and poison flame geysers, cruel Empress Avella threatens to destroy Bryce and all of New Martin. Zeb’s no hero—he’s proven that before. But this time he’s holding the secrets that might save everyone, right there in the pages of his father’s book. Now he just has to find the nerve to trust himself, and walk through fire.

First 150 Words:

Freezing.

I snapped awake standing in the dark.

Pressure. On my chest, in my lungs. Fear clawed me all over. When you wake up in your pajamas, you expect a cocoon of blankets and bedroom walls. Not the hollow hush of outside.

No good light anywhere. No lit-up house windows, no cars. Just a grainy glow from the nighttime sky. Shadowy mounds lumped up the road underfoot, like iron moles had ripped tunnels through the asphalt.

Sleepwalking again, but where—

Something moved in the gritty dimness up ahead. Four-legged, whitish. It dipped out of the woods, stepped into the ruined street, and went still. Looked right at me. A growl crawled out. Ears went flat. Hairy mop of a tail tucked and hid. Wolf? Coyote? Couldn’t be; too big, too tall. It cocked its broad head, probably able to hear my heart clattering along like a rusty pick-up.

I didn’t breathe.

Pitch Polish #16

BALLOONING

Middle Grade Fantasy Adventure

57,000 Words

Query:

Dear GUTGAA Pitch Polishers,

Chester Phillips is building a hot air balloon, and if it's made out of filmy shower curtains, defunct office fans, and a corroded bike frame, so be it. He's going to fly it around the world anyway. Although the town's notorious dumpster diver isn't above sacrificing dignity and cleanliness in search of parts, Chester maintains one rule: he only takes things that no one else wants.

When a mysterious man offers to fund Chester's around the world trip in exchange for an errand, Chester has no idea that he'll be breaking his cardinal rule by accepting. Chester is sent to fetch a battered scuba tank and deliver it to San Francisco. No one bothered to tell him that the tank housed a beautiful, if somewhat dry and aloof, genie.

Unfortunately, "finders keepers" isn't exactly honored among the non-dumpster diving community, and now the genie's thuggish masters are coming after Chester. 

Chester never wanted to be a thief, but as his friendship with the genie grows, he realizes that he can never let her fall back into her masters' cruel clutches.  

There's only one way to ensure that she'll be safe, and it involves a hot air balloon adventure. 

BALLOONING is a 57,000-word fantasy adventure novel for upper middle grade readers. It was featured as a semi-finalist in the Young Adult Novel Discovery Contest hosted by Regina Brooks and Gotham Writers' Workshop.    

Thank you for your time.

First 150 Words:

Chester's uncle laced his fingers into a stirrup. Chester stepped into it, and his uncle boosted him into the dumpster. 

He landed on a mattress of black trash bags and was immediately absorbed as if he'd fallen into a large beanbag chair. The contents crinkled. He kicked to right himself, and rusted metal flaked away from the inner walls. The interior of the dumpster smelled like plastic packaging and spoiled fruit. 

“See anything good?” Uncle Trent held a flashlight above his head. He slowly panned its beam across the interior of the dumpster. 

Chester floundered in the bog of swollen bags. If he had the choice, he definitely preferred commercial dumpsters to private ones. For one thing, businesses generally bagged their trash. Once, while launching himself into an individual's trash bin, he'd ended up with a mouth full of diaper. He hoped never to repeat the experience.

Pitch Polish #17

TITLE: RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY'S GOLD

GENRE: MG Mystery

WORD COUNT: 43,000

Query:

Twelve-year-old Maggie McCoy wants to be brave and spontaneous. But she’s not. Especially when it comes to school bullies and flying by the seat of her pants. So when she and her fearless cousin Jake stumble upon century-old clues leading to gold coins hidden by Butch Cassidy—farm boy turned infamous bank robber of the Wild West—she crumples her ‘to-do’ list to prove she really can be daring and impulsive.

And at first, searching for gold with Jake and their quirky Grandpa Jim in his beat-up Winnebago is the grand adventure she’s always wanted. But Maggie’s newfound courage falters when she learns they must outsmart and outrun a dangerous thief who is also after the treasure.

The race is on. But, just as Maggie and Jake think they’ve solved the mystery, Jake is captured and all the ‘to-do’ lists in the world won’t save him. Only Maggie can, if she can find the courage.  

RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY'S GOLD is a 40,000-word middle grade mystery where Maggie's present-day adventures parallel Butch Cassidy's past until mystery and history collide. This book stands alone, but can open the door for a series that exposes readers to fast-paced adventures across the fifty states.

First 150 Words:

Twelve seconds until summer vacation. Maggie’s eyes locked on the jerking hand of the classroom clock that counted down the last seconds of sixth grade. Someone in the back of the room began chanting, “Ten, nine, eight—”

Everyone else joined in, “Seven, six—”

Almost time! Maggie thought, sitting at the edge of her seat.

“Five, four—”

Just a few more seconds.

“THREE, TWO—”

Now!

“ONE!!”

RRRRINGGGG!! The class erupted into cheers.

Maggie jumped out of her seat, slung her pink backpack over her shoulder, and slipped out the classroom door. As she ran down the school’s rickety old steps, she pulled the ‘to-do’ list she had carefully prepared the night before out of her back pocket.

Five minutes. That’s how long she’d given herself to make it to Slotz Convenience Store. She studied the large crowd in front of her and took a deep breath. She examined her bright green digital watch, pushed the start button, and took off running.