Friday, February 10, 2012

I'm Hearing Voices Blogfest - Day 3

Before we get into the final challenge for the I'm Hearing Voices Blogfest, I wanted to turn your attention to an awesome agent contest for those writers ready to query. Melodie from Forever Rewrighting has just landed an agent and she is feeling awfully thankful. Go check out her blog where she will be hosting a pitch contest with her new agent next week!

And now for the challenge....
I’m Hearing Voices
I'm Hearing Voices Blogfest is coming to a close and boy are Cassie and Angie wanting us to go out with a bang. Here is what we do:
Emotion Flash Fiction: Emotion is the engine of a story. Pick an emotion and in a flash fiction piece of 250 words MAKE us feel it! We want to connect with your character. This will be a challenge in 250 words.

I picked my MC, Kali. And because I suck at flash fiction, I used a small scene from Ripple with her and her mom.
          I peek through the bedroom door, but can’t see much. The only light comes from a tiny side lamp. Dust dances about the shade as if it celebrates even a fraction of luminescence in the room. Mom sits hunched over the small bedside table. Her back is to me, and her elbows are propped up, hands tangled in her hair.
        “Mom,” I whisper.
         No response.
         Walking closer, I speak her name again. She still doesn’t answer, but I see her shoulders tense. She knows I’m here and hasn’t yelled for me to leave, so I continue to approach.
         I am near enough to see she’s reading. It isn’t a book, but a letter. A familiar letter, the writing is too small, the paper too wrinkled with age to see what it says.
         "Mom, are you going to come downstairs for the party?” I pause. “I’m turning seventeen today.” My voice wavers and I sense a knot choke me mid-sentence. I take a deep breath, forcing the tears back. I don’t have time to reapply my makeup. The guests will be arriving any minute.
         It is best if I just leave. She isn’t talking today. I hesitate before turning around and reach out to touch her shoulder. Instead of making contact, it hovers mid-air before I drop it and walk out.
***
And that's it. What kind of emotion do you think Kali was feeling?

If you want to check out other blogfesters pieces go here.

Thanks so much Angie and Cassie for this fun blogfest!!! I had a blast:)

16 comments:

T.D. McFrost said...

This was very helpful because I was wondering what good first person narration looked like. This was gorgeous writing. I wonder if she's a ghost? Or is her mother simply ignoring her completely?

I think she's feeling neglected. The next emotion would be longing.

I love this! Please, can I read more?

Tara Tyler said...

anxious, hesitant, apprehensive
excellent tension!

have a hearts & flowers weekend!

Danielle B. said...

The emotions were overhelming in this piece.

Tasha Seegmiller said...

Great emotion. I love the almost touch - really added to the tension. Great job!

Emily R. King said...

Great choice! I loved this scene before, and rereading it, I still do.

Angela Cothran said...

Longing--that is what I feel reading this :) Beautifully written Deana.

Madeleine Maddocks said...

Oh wow I can so relate to Kali's relationship and feelings. She's disappointed, helpless/ defeated /dejected all at once by this rejection of her mother. Good scene. I so want to read the novel now.

Cassie Mae said...

I feel longing as well as hopelessness. This was beautifully written!

Nicole Zoltack said...

Wow, this was great!

Hywela Lyn said...

I feeling longing, loneliness and disappointment. Great piece of writing, very tense and I really felt for Kali.

Cortney Pearson said...

Wow, what a great scene of tenderness and longing. Sad! I really feel for her!

Kelley said...

Such great emotion. I got goose bumps. So well written!

Sharon Bayliss said...

This is a beautiful scene. Of course, I'm lucky enough to have read it before. It's complex enough that it's hard to pick one emotion. I can feel that she misses her mother (the old version), what is the emotion word for that?

Sharon Bayliss said...

Now that I read through the comments, I find the vocabulary word that sifted through my tired brain - longing.

Meredith said...

This is so heart-wrenching! You can feel how much she wants her mother to care. Beautiful scene.

Leslie Rose said...

I'm going frustration wrapped around a core of despair. Very moving. So much unsaid that grabbed my heart.