Monday, October 1, 2012

1st Rd Sm Press Contest #15 - Devastation

DEVASTATION
YA Romantic (Soft)Sci-Fi
95,000

Query:

After sixteen-year-old Lexa Castiel's dad dies, things go sideways. She sprouts giant-ass wings, her love life’s in the crapper (that’s what happens when you fall for your best friend), and she finds out she’s half alien. Her mom wants her to learn to fly, but there ain't no way in hell that’s happenin'. Lexa has a puke-producing fear of heights, so when aliens abduct her, her feathered wings are as useless as teats on a boar hog.

To top that, the aliens who abduct her to harvest her regenerative DNA are out to colonize Earth. Their spaceship is a stinking, dark labyrinth, fully equipped with a slimy, bloodthirsty beast. Almost every turn presents its own dangers as she searches for an escape route and a way to stop the aliens’ schemes. If Lexa does find the exit, she'll have to fly home, probably puking up her toenails on the way. If she can't get off the ship, she'll be trapped like lab-rat in a maze with that slimy bastard of a monster. Lexa's suck-o-meter buries the needle.

First 150 Words:

The first suck-ass moment of my life happened when Gabe, my best friend, and I were on summer vacation with our parents in New York City. Gabe hoisted himself onto the balcony railing.

I cocked my head and frowned. “You’re gonna fall. We’re on the tenth floor, dummy.”

“Naw. It’s a’ight.” He waved his hands above his head. “Look, no hands.”

I shrugged and hopped up next to him. Gabe was a year older than me, but if he could do it, so could I. I was a determined little shit.

He poked my leg. “Don’t you fall, Lex.”

“Stop it.” My elbow shot out, bumping his arm.

Gabe batted his thick fringe of black lashes. “Stop what?”

I twisted sideways to smack him, but slid instead. Toppling backward, I gasped, flailing to grab hold. Too far away. I left my stomach on the rail as I fell to the ground below.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love your query! It breaks rules in a really good way. Good luck!

Kelley Harvey said...

Thanks, Anonymous! Hopefully the judges will agree.

Heather M Bryant said...

Hey Kelley the voice in your query really packs a punch. The first 150 carried that voice and momentum and it really leaves me wanting more.

Good Luck!

Kelley Harvey said...

Aw, Heather, thank you! I really appreciate it. I'm sure hoping the judges think so too. Have a great time with the remainder of GUTGAA.

Honey Badger said...

Hey, Entry #15!

I’m going around giving everyone at least one critique and one positive today. (Maybe more, if I spot something helpful.)

Positive:
- Whew! This entry is full of voice.

Critique:
- Just make sure you don’t get too heavy-handed with the voice, or the plot will get buried.

Best of luck! :)

Lizzy said...

Love the voice in this query. Completely engaging and real!

Mara Valderran said...

Agree with everyone else--I love the voice in the query! The first 150 back it up. I was so worried he was gonna fall, so her fall surprised me. GREAT job and I cannot emphasize that enough! I hope you move on to the next round!

Kelley Harvey said...

Honey Badger, Lizzy and Mara, I appreciate you taking the time to visit and comment. I really do appreciate it. :)

cscullywriter said...

I really hope people aren't detered by the cursing because I really enjoy it! Like the comment before, it breaks rules in a good way. The only line that threw me for a loop was the "I'm a determined little shit" because I usually hear people call another person a "determined shit" rather than themselves, but who knows? Maybe it fits the character in the rest of the work we can't see here.
Either way, this is awesome. Best of luck!

Kelley Harvey said...

Thanks, cscullywriter! I'm so glad you liked it and commented.

Lone Star said...

Your query made me laugh twice, which is a great thing, I love a query with voice and personality. I figure if you can entertain me with your query you can certainly entertain me with your book! :)

It's a minor thing, but I was a little thrown by her saying "the FIRST suck-ass thing to happen to her" was this. Maybe she means the MOST suck-ass thing. "Suck-ass" seems like a casual phrase that you might use to describe a crappy Monday or something, so I'm sure suck-ass things have happened to her before.

You made me laugh, so you've got my vote!

Kelley Harvey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelley Harvey said...

Thanks, Lone Star! I'm glad I made you laugh. I love it when people tell me my MS made them laugh or cry; it makes my friggin' day :)

I see what you're saying about 'the FIRST suck-ass moment'. Maybe I should say the 'first really big suck-ass moment', because believe me, falling from the balcony ends up looking like a scraped knee by the end of the book. Note: the title, DEVASTATION :)