Monday, October 8, 2012

Small Press Finalist #9 - Daughter4254

Daughter4254
YA Dystopian
60k

Query:

Daughter4254 used to think life in a community where art, music and names are outlawed would suffocate her creative spirit. Now that she’s rotting in a prison cell, she’s not sure her dying mother made the right choice when she entrusted her with the secrets of rebellion. Prison has given her plenty of time to relive every mistake and lose all hope. Her next stop is the MindWipe.

Then she meets Thomas, a fellow inmate, who teaches her about faith and love. He tells her stories of the mythical mountain colonies where people have names and the arts thrive. Together they plot an escape, knowing if they fail, they will die. Or worse, their consiousness will be taken by the MindWipe,leaving their bodies free for the government to use. When nothing goes as planned, Daughter4254 must choose between using her mother's secret to better the world she hates, and following Thomas to the quiet life of freedom she has always craved.

FIRST 150 WORDS

It was against the law for my mother to comfort me when I cried, but that’s what I remember most vividly; her arms circled about me, her hands patting my back. When possible, she held me while I sobbed like a brand new child. My mother tried to teach me not to show my emotions when I was young. Any expression of feeling would give away my mental status.

But it was not a lesson I learned quickly or easily. The hugs and kisses and pats on the back were part of many secrets we owned. We constantly gambled that the Auto Eye attendants would not notice us; one small blip of a family on hundreds of monitoring screens. Still, the large round bubble loomed like a wicked insect on the ceiling of our home pod. The camera and microphone concealed beneath the dark plastic lump recorded our every word and move and sent them back to the government for monitoring.

2 comments:

Jessa Russo (Stadtler) said...

I really like the premise of this, but I feel that your first 150 is full of telling rather than showing. I'd like to give it a chance and read a bit further, so please send your query in the body of the email, and first three chapters attached in a Word document to jessa [at] curiosityquills [dot] com.

Theresa said...

I would be interested in reading more of this. Please send your query and first three chapters in the body of an email to theresa(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com