Monday, October 1, 2012

1st Rd Sm Press Contest #32 - By Wingéd Chair

By Wingéd Chair
YA Fantasy
91,250

Query:

When eighteen-year-old Merry is attacked by nightmarish creatures and rescued by the vigilantes that fight them, she knows she has a responsibility to use her unique magical knowledge to help. But all Merry wants is to go to the University and prove that her disability has not made her useless, and joining a ragtag rebellion is not the way to get a recommendation. Not to mention, the outlaw mage that helped save her is too handsome and irritating for Merry's good. When she doesn't want to kiss him, she wants to run him over with her wheelchair. While she ignores her interest in the outlaw, she also avoids her responsibility, and it isn't until the monsters try to kill her family that Merry realizes proving herself won't mean anything if everyone she loves is dead.

By Wingéd Chair, a retelling of Robin Hood, is one of a series of fairytales that tell familiar stories from unfamiliar points of view, highlighting characters who aren't physically capable of swinging a sword but still manage to save the day.

First 150 Words:

The boy in the photograph was my age, young and optimistic, and certainly not a mass murderer. But that was what it said above the reward offering five thousand gold nickoli for his capture. "Robyn Hode: Dangerous mage wanted for the murder of five people". I studied the grainy, black and white picture again, looking for signs of madness in the boy's eyes and finding none. What had happened to him? How had he gone from this innocent school boy, flush with success, to a man capable of killing his entire family?

"Merry!" Madam Francine's sharp call broke through my reverie, and I dragged my eyes away from the wanted poster on the brick wall next to me. "Have you finished your sketch?" she asked. Her lips thinned and her eyes bulged as she glanced at my drawing pad, and I wondered if anyone had ever told her she looked like a squashed frog.

4 comments:

Honey Badger said...

Hey, Entry #32!

I’m going around giving everyone at least one critique and one positive today. (Maybe more, if I spot something helpful.)

Positive:
- Great, original concept!

Critique:
- This feels like NA. You might consider pitching it as such. (Most of the publishers participating in GUTGAA are open to the category label.)

Best of luck! :)

Lone Star said...

I LOVE your concept. However, since Merry is the MC and it parallels Robin Hood, I kind of hoped she would be the outlaw stealing from the rich, not her love interest. Does she drive the plot? She may, it's hard to tell from just the query. I ask because Robin Hood really shouldn't be told from Maiden Marion's perspective because the story is about Robin Hood.

I would also like to see a more exciting scene to start off with. Can you give me something that demonstrates Merry's character instead of focusing on Robyn?

With that said, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt because I love a heroine in a wheelchair. You've got my vote.

P.S. I agree with Honey Badger that this is NA if she's
at University.

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