Monday, September 24, 2012

Agent Pitch Finalist #40 - Feral Kingdom

New Adult Contemporary Fantasy


Twenty-three-year-old Avery can pinpoint when her life went hell to the moment she touched the rabbit’s foot keychain.

Avery is used to having admirers, but she's always been a want-what-you-can't-have type of girl. Which is why she frequently aims her flirty smiles at Marshall, the theater manager no one has ever seen without sunglasses.

Despite giving the rabbit’s foot to Marshall… twice, it keeps appearing back in her purse. When Marshall learns of the foot’s attachment to Avery, he shows an unprecedented interest in her.  It isn’t until Marshall’s sunglasses fall off that Avery realizes why he keeps his distance.

He isn’t entirely human.

Caught in the crossfire of two strangers looking for the rabbit’s foot, Avery discovers that there’s more to the lucky charm than its creepy habit of returning to her.  Hiding behind its innocuous appearance is something ancient.  Something Marshall’s people, and the ones who hunt them, will do anything to control.

Faced with the danger of owning the rabbit's foot, Avery would happily give it up... if she didn't have to die to be free of it.

First 150 words:

The way the rabbit’s foot came into my possession was unexpected, to say the least.

It was my night to work door at the theater.  All the doormen disappeared into the next theater on our cleaning list, leaving the only doorwoman (that would be me) with two heaping garbage bins.  I wheeled them towards the back door, having a blast trying to maneuver them together while keeping the shifting piles of garbage from toppling.  Marshall, the maintenance manager, came barreling around the corner, his peculiar shades reflecting the low theater fluorescents.  He wears them inside and out.

The story is that he suffers from light sensitivities.   I’ve heard many of the girl employees muse about his eyes.  Once, on a slow night when my imagination ran rampant, I’d wondered if they were lab rat red.  In my experience, anything a person keeps hidden is either wonderful, or terrible.  Maybe both.


Sarah LaPolla said...

I think this has potential, but there are two reasons I'm not requesting it (that you may or may not find useful): 1) The premise and the characters work better as a YA to me, so since this isn't one... I'd pass on it. 2) I have no idea why this rabbit foot is special. It needs to be more than just an object people are looking for. Why should I care whether the main character has it or not? What are the stakes? These are things I need to know before I commit to reading a full manuscript.

Sarah LaPolla said...

I pressed "comment" too soon! But what I meant to add is that if you find yourself in a position to revise this as a YA and are still looking for an agent, please query me :)

Linda Glaz said...

Would like to see a little stronger opening, but hang in there. Good premise.

Hannah Bowman said...

I basically agree with Sarah! But I'd also like to add: I don't think there's any reason to have a "New Adult contemporary fantasy." Fantasy has a long tradition of young protagonists. If the book is a true YA -- emphasis on the teen experience -- call it YA; otherwise call it contemporary fantasy and don't worry about it describing further.