Monday, September 24, 2012

Agent Pitch Finalist #8 - Everdream

Middle Grade Fantasy


It’s been thirteen years since the Queen of Ravens cast the spell to strip all Taravel’s inhabitants of dreams. Or so she thought. Unbeknownst to her, one remains who can dream unaided - Eleven, the dreamseer.

An orphan, El has been raised in a black market dream caravan, caring for the ponies who grant people the ability to dream artificially. The citizens of Taravel pay generously for a ride on the dream carousel, a chance to touch the magical, dream-inducing manes of the ponies. But when the ponies start losing their ability to spin dreams, which is the only way anyone can dream anymore, El knows she must do something.

Accompanied by Dusti, a persnickety pony, and Ryn, the pirate-poet, El sets out to break the Queen’s spell. The three companions’ adventures take them from crystal pirate ships, to cities in the sky, to underground palaces and the home of a sea witch. Along the way El realizes there’s a lot more at stake than the ponies: a rebellion is brewing, the Queen has learned of her existence, and the truth about her parents is far different than she ever imagined. And worst of all, if El doesn’t free the dreams soon, they’ll be gone forever.

First 150:

Dreams seeped through the flaps of the tent, escaping into the sky like multi-colored ghosts. It was a busy night in the caravan. Though the metallic taste of thunder sat on my tongue and dark clouds pressed down over the crowd, we were still packed. The other merchants had begun to close up for the night. But we weren’t exactly ordinary merchants.

I counted people as I walked along the line snaking out of the purple and white striped tent. Sixty-two. Eight-eight. Ninety-six. When I hit one hundred I cut in.

“Sorry, but this is the cap for the night.” I watched the opposite expressions of relief and disappointment on the faces of the two people I stood between. Groans and angrier protests rose around me.

I walked back to the tent as the crowd behind lucky number one hundred dispersed into the darkness.


Linda Glaz said...

multi-colored ghosts is such a terrific visual.

Molly Jaffa said...

Hello! Thanks for sharing your work with us. This project isn't quite up my alley, but it does evoke some Tamora Pierce-esque imagery in my mind, and that's great! I'd like to suggest a way you might make your query stronger. Your last paragraph has what feels to me like a lot of listing, from the different settings to the various things at stake. Try to avoid listing in your query if at all possible -- it can sometimes feel like you're throwing the kitchen sink at us, and we'd rather you make one strong connection than multiple vague ones. I hope that helps!

My best,