Monday, September 17, 2012

Rd 1 Agent Pitch Contest #12 - TOMBOY RULES: BLOSSOMS ARE ALWAYS PREPARED

Tomboy Rules: Blossoms Are Always Prepared
Chapter Book, realistic
10,021

Query:

Eight-year-old Mabel isn’t going to let a few pesky rules get in the way of an adventure, especially when she thinks camping will be her biggest one yet. She is so close to going that she can almost feel the itchy mosquito bites. That is, if she can stay in the Blossoms troop long enough to go.

Mabel has already made two mistakes, but they really weren’t her fault. So what if she saved a spider from a shoe-squishing? She didn’t know girls aren’t supposed to like them. And she didn’t mean to ruin the cookie sale. All of those boxes of cookies just looked so tempting stored right in her room.

With her only chance at camping on the line, Mabel tries baking cookies, the girliest thing she can think of, and sets out on a sneaky delivery. But when Mabel discovers she isn’t the only intruder crashing the campout, she has to decide if she will use her tomboy talents to save the Blossoms from a stinky situation.

First 150 Words:

Except for maybe broccoli burps, nothing smells worse than broccoli steam. I held my breath to keep it from going up my nose while I scooped two heaping spoonfuls onto my plate.

“Mabel, are you going to eat all of that?” Mom asked with a funny look.

“Yup. Every bite,” I said. I blew the steam away before I put a forkful into my mouth, chewed just a little, and swallowed hard so I didn’t have to taste it.

“But you don’t like broccoli,” she said. She took a sip of water out of her glass. “I know what you’re up to. This is about Blossoms again isn’t it?” Mom put down her glass and rubbed her temples with her fingers.

“Why do you want to join Blossoms anyway?” Snarly asked. “It’s stupid. And it’s for girls. You’re more like a boy than a girl.” She made a cross-eyed face at me.

8 comments:

Violet said...

I absolutely love this! Mabel reminds me of Ramona Quimby (from the Ramona books by Beverly Cleary) with her tomboy-ish antics and charm. I thought the query was well written and the opening pages lovely. YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE!!

SugarMagnolia said...

Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.

Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!

Cat said...

Love it.

The Rooster said...

I agree with the other judge. This sounds so fun and spunky. Query was great. And the first 150 already give me a peek of her personality. Great job!

YOU HAVE MY VOTE.

SugarMagnolia said...

(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)

Super cute! I love tomboy stories, and this seems like a really empowering (and funny) story. I also like the threat of the stinky intruder. You already have me wondering what it might be!

Very well done!

SugarMagnolia said...

All done reading! Mabel is such a fun and three-dimensional character that I just can't get her out of my head.

YOU HAVE MY VOTE!

Tracy Bermeo (A2Z Mommy) said...

I love Mabel. She sounds fun and just different enough from other girls that struggling to fit in makes sense. The only thing I don't understand from the query is how bringing cookies to the camp out will redeem her. Also, from the first 150, who is Snarly? Brother? Sister? Just a little clarification there.

Baby said...

YOU HAVE MY VOTE!