Monday, September 17, 2012

Rd 1 Agent Pitch Contest #27 - THROUGH THE EDGEWOOD

Through The Edgewood
MG Fantasy Adventure
70,000

QUERY:

Eleven year-old Izzy has read every fairytale there is, so she knows that when the faeries steal a child, they always leave a Changeling in its place. But when her little sister, Hen, disappears, there’s not a Changeling in sight. She’s just gone.

Izzy suspects the old woman next door knows something she isn’t telling. Izzy follows her down a winding underground passage, into the Edgewood – a forest on the borders of Earth and Faerie. But this is nothing like the charming woods from Izzy’s stories. Before Izzy and her neighbor can even begin looking for Hen, enchanted cobwebs attack, enveloping the old woman like a human cocoon.

Fleeing for her life, Izzy runs into a band of outlaw Changelings, shape-shifting orphans more likely to steal her shoes than help her out. She befriends them, and learns they’re the last three Changelings left in Faerie – all the others have mysteriously disappeared. The new friends set out on a joint search-and-rescue mission across eastern Faerie. The future looks dark when they discover Hen and the missing Changelings have been imprisoned by an evil queen. It looks blacker than a troll’s toenail when they learn Izzy has something the queen desperately wants.

If they can’t stop the queen, Izzy and her sister will never go home, the entire Changeling race will be enslaved, and Hen won’t be the last victim of the queen’s sinister plans.

FIRST 150 WORDS:

Izzy Doyle stood in the school supply section of the Piggly Wiggly, coming to terms with her fate. She agreed to come with her mom and sister to the grocery store because she needed a new journal. As she faced her only options – yellow legal pad, or inspirational kittens – the full weight of her situation came crashing down on her narrow shoulders. This was it. Her new hometown.

She flicked the thin metal stand with the toe of her shoe. How could her dad have accepted a job in a town with no movie theater, no swimming pools, and – this part was almost too horrifying to believe – no library? How could her mom have agreed to it? Izzy vaguely recalled her parents going on about fresh air and getting closer to nature, but she didn’t connect the dots until now. When they said “nature”, what they really meant was complete isolation from the rest of civilization.

6 comments:

SugarMagnolia said...

Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.

Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!

Jambo said...

I love the premise and the query reads really well. I want to read it. Best of luck. Cheers

SugarMagnolia said...

(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)

The first paragraph of your query is wonderful, and I love the idea of following a winding underground passage into a new world. Very sensory and creative!

The Changelings seem very interesting, and I'm definitely intrigued by this story's potential.

One tiny critique is that I feel like your third paragraph may be just a little too bulky. I'm also not sure about the phrase "blacker than a troll's toenail," because this doesn't sound like a phrase that would be part of Izzy's vernacular.

That being said, this is a super strong query, and I really, really enjoyed it. I can tell you've put a lot of work into this, and it has paid off. Well done!

Violet said...

Great query--it grabbed my attention and wouldn't let go ;) It clearly stated the main characters, the conflict, and the stakes--PERFECT! :) I also liked how you gave us a little bit of world building with the "nothing like the charming woods..." line and the bit about the old lady being attacked by "enchanted cobwebs."

You opening words kicked butt, too! It showed great voice and really set the tone and gave the reader an idea of the setting. Well done!

YOU HAVE MY VOTE!

Anonymous said...

Hurrah, Violet! Thank you for your comments and your vote of confidence!

michelleimason said...

I remember this from somewhere else--WriteOnCon, maybe? Anyway, I liked it then and like it now. Good luck!