Monday, September 17, 2012

Rd 1 Agent Pitch Contest #22 - CIVIL

Civil
MG Fantasy
75,000

Query:

Charlie is a sensitive ballplayer who just wants his parents to stop arguing in the bleachers. Adriana, the most popular cheerleader, is secretly living in a school supply closet. Thabo is a new student from Africa who is already (he hopes) dating the President's daughter. LV (don't call her Elvira!) is a feared social outcast with a dark secret. And 9-year-old Caitlin is building a space ship in her backyard.

These five seventh graders don't think they have anything in common until a stranger invites them to join a secret time-traveling society. Soon, the five new Time Keepers must learn to work together as they chase an enemy through the bloody battlefields of Gettysburg, a modern dystopian Washington, D.C., and their own increasingly dangerous school hallways.

Civil is a fantasy adventure that examines what it means to forget the past, both as a nation and as an individual. The story follows Charlie, Adriana, Thabo, LV, and Caitlin as they fight against time to restore a stolen history and rebuild a country--but it also follows each of them as they fight their own demons and try to build themselves. Because while saving the world is never easy, neither is middle school.

First 150 Words:

The girl grabbed the water spout and climbed hand over hand up to the roof. She knocked on the chimney until she found the loose brick and opened the hidden door. Squeezing into the hidden chaser pod, she set the dials and closed her eyes, sinking into the chair with the acceleration of time chasing.

When she stepped back onto the rooftop, canon fire was echoing through the night. The roof was crowded with people straining to see into the harbor, watching the arcs of fire sail toward Fort Sumter. A loud explosion lit up the sky and the girl bumped into a young woman, pushing her toward the chimney where her dress caught on fire. The woman screamed, and the girl discreetly pried the diary from her hands. While others turned to help the woman, the girl ran back to the pod.

She had other things to steal tonight.

6 comments:

SugarMagnolia said...

Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.

Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!

The Rooster said...

The first paragraph of the query gives us a great picture of who each character is. And with 5 MC's that can be hard. The premise is fun, and sounds like something I'd love to read to my kids. The first 150 is what completely hooked me. I didn't want it to end. Although I kinda want to know the characters name instead of just calling her the girl.

You have my vote!

Anonymous said...

Hear that? It's the sound of me swooning. I love how your query touches on the characters' disparate struggles. It makes me want to see how they all work together.

SugarMagnolia said...

(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)

What a great concept! I love stories where many complicated characters are thrown in together, and I also like the idea that this novel will teach children history while simultaneously entertaining them.

Great job!

Cat said...

I love this. Your query improved considerably and the first page is a real grabber.

Olson said...

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