GRETEL
MG fantasy/fairytale retelling
21,000
Query:
When Gretel takes a bite out of a witch’s house she not only puts herself in danger, but her younger brother Hansel as well. Forced to be the witch’s slave, making meals to fatten up the brother she loves, Gretel’s guilt grows.
Gretel learns that after the death of her mother, desperation caused the witch to trade her youth and beauty for a dark magic. Now Gretel’s the one who’s desperate, and the witch is looking to make a new deal. The witch will let Hansel go free if Gretel agrees to stay on as her slave. When Gretel comes of age, she must give her youth to the witch. Gretel is willing to make the deal, until she’s warned she will be helping the witch lure inmore children; children whose deaths would be on Gretel’s hands.
Gretel wants to save her brother more than anything, but is she willing to risk turning into a wicked witch herself?
First 150 words:
I picked the ripe, red apples from the tree that I had so carefully tended, hoping it would help us through the upcoming season. My summer had been filled with planning for the winter ahead. Hansel said I was a pessimist, a worrier, but he was wrong. I was a realist.
Hansel was a dreamer.
Usually I found his 'can-do' attitude annoying, but not that day. The sun shone through the branches as I picked the apples and placed them, one by one,in the basket. Soon the leaves would fall, the very air would freeze and snow would cover the forest. But right then it was warm, there were apples to eat, and if my little brother wanted to believe he could fix everything then who was I to tell him he couldn't?
"How many apples are there?" Hansel asked, shading his eyes from the sun as he looked up at me from where he sat.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.
Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!
(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)
I love fairy tale re-imaginings, and I have always been partial to this story. I like the fact that you've taken the concept and made it your own; I also appreciate the way you've made the witch so three-dimensional.
Your first 150 words are rich, and I already feel like I understand who Gretel is. I can begin to see why her future decision to save/not save Hansel will be so hard for her.
My biggest concern is your word count. MG fantasies generally run between 35,000-75,000 words, and I've heard the sweet spot is usually between 45,000-65,000 words. Your story is 14,000 words under the lower cut-off, and--while that's certainly not an automatic death sentence--it will make your novel much harder to place.
Is there any way you can "fatten" the story up slightly?
SugarMagnolia,
I have been putting a lot of thought into that. It feels complete to me now, and I don't want to add just to add. That said, I am definitely trying to come up with smart ways to add to it. Thanks for your comments!
Phen375 is a popular appetite suppressant and fat burning pill that will enhance weight loss. It is an innovative weight-loss supplement that has been proven to really work in weight reduction. It is the strongest legal fat burner and it is one of the few clinically proven weight loss supplement. Phen375 is the most popular fat burner and most effective weight loss pill on the market right now. This medicine is administered particularly to those people who can follow a healthy diet with regular exercise regimen. Hence, dieticians confirmed that taking Phentermine along with your daily diet and exercise routine is a sensible step for overcoming obesity problems significantly. *accelerated metabolic process which ends up in faster fats burning up *improve in power levels *diminished cholesterol amounts *covered up appetite that helps in shedding weight quick *an improved state of health *leaner , greater hunting entire body Challenge yourself to lose 5-7lbs in a month leading up to a family occasion or a friend's wedding. Keep in mind that it is easy taking the medication, so the next time you or a sibling wanted a simple but effective pill to lose weight then know that you can take advantage of this pill as how to take phen375 is quite easy. What you need to do instead is know where to buy phen375 so you can start helping your family tremendously.
Post a Comment