Monday, September 17, 2012

Rd 1 Agent Pitch Contest #37 - FERAL KINGDOM

New Adult Contemporary Fantasy


Twenty-three-year-old Avery can pinpoint when her life went hell to the moment she touched the rabbit’s foot keychain.

Avery is used to having admirers, but she's always been a want-what-you-can't-have type of girl. Which is why she frequently aims her flirty smiles at Marshall, the theater manager no one has ever seen without sunglasses.

Despite giving the rabbit’s foot to Marshall… twice, it keeps appearing back in her purse. When Marshall learns of the foot’s attachment to Avery, he shows an unprecedented interest in her.  It isn’t until Marshall’s sunglasses fall off that Avery realizes why he keeps his distance.

He isn’t entirely human.

Caught in the crossfire of two strangers looking for the rabbit’s foot, Avery discovers that there’s more to the lucky charm than its creepy habit of returning to her.  Hiding behind its innocuous appearance is something ancient.  Something Marshall’s people, and the ones who hunt them, will do anything to control.

Faced with the danger of owning the rabbit's foot, Avery would happily give it up... if she didn't have to die to be free of it.

First 150 words:

The way the rabbit’s foot came into my possession was unexpected, to say the least.

It was my night to work door at the theater.  All the doormen disappeared into the next theater on our cleaning list, leaving the only doorwoman (that would be me) with two heaping garbage bins.  I wheeled them towards the back door, having a blast trying to maneuver them together while keeping the shifting piles of garbage from toppling.  Marshall, the maintenance manager came barreling around the corner, his peculiar shades reflecting the low theater fluorescents.  He wears them inside and out.

The story is that he suffers from light sensitivities.   I’ve heard many of the girl employees muse about his eyes.  Once, on a slow night when my imagination ran rampant, I’d wondered if they were lab rat red.  In my experience, anything a person keeps hidden is either wonderful, or terrible.  Maybe both.


SugarMagnolia said...

Thanks for participating! My plan is to read through all the entries and then begin my comments and critiques. I will give out my top ten my votes when I'm finished.

Best of luck to you, and stay tuned!

SugarMagnolia said...

(Hi again! I plan to give out comments during this round, and then I'll give out my top ten votes as soon as I have critiqued everyone's queries.)

Oh my gosh, this is so good! Your title is perfect, and it had me intrigued before I even started reading. (Kind of an animal nerd here. ;))

Your voice shines and definitely stands out in this query. You know how people say you can always tell when authors are having fun while they are writing? I can definitely feel that energy and enthusiasm in your query, and it certainly makes me want to read more. (The part about Marshall's eyes... Ewe! Definitely makes me want to know what they look like!)

Excellent job. You are a very powerful writer!

SugarMagnolia said...

I have been thinking about your query ever since I read it last night, so...


Sarah said...

Oh wow! Thank you, Sugar Magnolia. You made my day! Even if I don't make it to the next round, your praise has made this worth it.

Baby said...


(and this was my favorite :)

Sarah said...

Thank you, Baby!

Hopey said...


Sarah said...

I can't stop smiling! Thank you all do much!

Sarah said...

Lol, I mean *so much.